I once had a light-hearted debate with a few people over the notion that it is a man’s duty to take care of the woman in a relationship. It is always interesting to listen to other people’s views about matters of life, love and everything in between. Anyways, I am all for the man being the breadwinner and head of the home. I don’t necessarily want to sponge off any guy. As things stand, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. However, the thought of a man making attempt to take care of you, being concerned about your needs, is attractive. The truth? Women and money… same Whatsapp group!
But I am aware that the act of financial chivalry, ‘go becha’ is controversial. In the modern world, where both men and women have equal economic opportunities, the common thought pattern is that men are not obliged to take care of their partners. In fact, some men often accuse women of being ‘gold diggers’. Yet, even men can be ‘gold diggers’ nowadays. There are scores of men who take care of their women and they don’t complain. It comes with the territory, just as women go on diets, fix themselves up, learn to cook etc to please men. Ironically, the very same men who don’t want to becha demand and expect sex from women, and to be treated like Kings. Motho wa teng fa kgwedi e fela e ka re ga a yo mo lefatsheng. Mid-month… o tla mo utlwa. Ke raya bale ba ba ratang di message-nyana tsa bo ‘Hi’. Enter the sex doll. If you haven’t heard about it, then you live under the rock.
This doll resembles a human being to the tee and is sold for sexual pleasure. Apparently, it is a hit overseas and is already selling like hotcakes. I kid you not! The owner enjoys exclusivity of being the first and only one to chow it. There are no ex stories or baby daddy dramas. One can even go “dry” and not stress about protection because it doesn’t fall pregnant and won’t contract STIs and other nasty conditions. It doesn’t eat food so it won’t get fat either. It also won’t talk back and there will be no nagging, insults or shouting. It would also accord those who fear expressing their sexual fantasies and fetishes with human partners the opportunity to express themselves freely. I can imagine the doll being made to bend over and even being peed on ala golden showers. Heedu! Imagine moaning and groaning in the embrace of a doll. But I doubt it comes near to the real experience. Nothing beats the human smell and touch during intimacy. Imagine slashing and writhing about with a doll in the cold of the night.
Those who saw you enter and leave the house or room, would wonder if you have a thokolosi hidden in there. And as you know… people talk a lot. The nosy ones who always have their fat sweaty noses in other people’s business would rush to exclaim: Heela, ka re o lala a kua masigo mme rona re sa bona ope a tsena ka ntlo! Oh, the things of this world! Who ever thought that it would one day be possible to buy a doll as a lover. Technology has really brought many good but also strange changes. With so many willing potential suitors and lovers milling about, nothing says ‘suck man’ than roughing it up with a doll. Mpopinyana wa teng mme o siametse bo-Ramoshe ba ba sa becheng. Khi!
Times a changeling’
Botswana is gradually reclaiming herself – not necessarily her innocence; we know she has been battered, raped, abused and dumped! Perhaps in her reawakening, she will learn to cherish the hard won values of national cohesion, which for a fleeting moment, were at risk of slipping right through her fingers.
Batswana are better off – they have the best and worst experiences of the peoples of the world to learn from. For example, we know pretty well that the atrocities, carnage, calamity and mayhem of 1994 in Rwanda in which Hutus and Tutsis tore at each other were not a spontaneous mass action.
Neither were the Holocaust in which Jews were slaughtered not the Nakba, which continues to this day with the every day dispossession of the Palestinian Arabs by the Israeli occupation.
In fact we can deduce a clear pattern from all these heinous experiences that they were borne of wilful actions of men and women – despots of the first order who think nothing about nation building but are puffed up with arrogance and self-aggrandisement.
If we profess love for our country, which is often referred to as ‘Patriotism’, we must jealously guard the founding principles bequeathed us by our patriarchs, the same with which they laid the foundations of this republic – and if need be, we must be prepared to die for these principles. True independence is a hard fought battle – independence is not served on a silver platter; it is earned by a people with a fighting spirit, a people ready to become martyrs if only to safeguard posterity and the future of their children!
This nation has for a very long time been deeply divided – the healing process will be gradual, just as the systemic oppression has been. We were divided into pockets of tribes; and through an inherent desire to belong; to have an identity, we clasped on to these tribal fixations to the extent of subverting our new found republicanism with monarchical demagoguery. And every time real politics challenges our moral foundation we find refuge in these fixations in our search for answers. We must however, thank God, for He has never forsaken us – He has always provided a guidepost when it was required, and this He will continue doing until we come unto a common understanding of His purpose for mankind.
In Setswana, there is the maxim; ‘Go kgoberega ga metsi ke go itsheka ga one’ meaning that conflicts are not permanent features but passing phenomena in human existence. There is a time for everything and indeed there is nothing new under the sun! The greatest lesson we can ever learn is that the human race must love one another and live together. It does not matter what skin pigmentation you or I bear – we are all human/ homo sapiens; that is why we are able to breed across the colour divide.
Therefore this imagined barrier that separates one against the other on the basis of skin pigmentation is a farce for the worst ignoramus. Likewise, we are none the wiser if we allow material wealth to define our human relationships. We must transcend these worldly possessions because they cannot satiate the hunger that the soul yearns for companionship and fellowship with a kindred spirit.
Therefore, we can only hope that Mma V will find it in her motherly heart to let bygones be bygones, to bury the hatchet with her nemesis, President Mokgweetsi Masisi and let sleeping dogs lie in the best interest of the country at this critical juncture. She has it within her power to end this fight. It’s really flabbergasting and incomprehensible that delegates can attend a regional congress; make nominations for presidential candidates and later claim they did not know about the election that followed and in which they were active participants.
This is a classical joke. It gets out of hand when tribal elders then call a political meeting outside the sanction of their party to try and undo the electoral process of a political party. In one word, such meeting is tribal and has nothing whatsoever with political affiliation.
In any case when a ward, cell or branch of a party feels aggrieved it does not seek recourse from the village elders, but instead uses the laid down party structures to resolve the differences. What we witnessed this past weekend was the worst form of tribal politics; a last ditch effort by a vanquished faction that risks becoming irrelevant, to seek public sympathy. Mma V; Ian Khama, Moyo Guma and all the other BaNgwato tribesmen must pick up the pieces and throw their weight behind the leader of the BDP and the nation for both their own good and the good of the country at large.
On public displays of affection and kissing babies
I was listening to Kim’s show on DumaFM a few weeks ago when she was discussing public displays of affection, commonly referred to as PDA.
I found her views and those of her guest and listeners quite interesting. It is one of those topics that people won’t always agree on. In traditional Botswana, public displays of affection such as kissing and hugging are not common. A handshake or slight touch is as far as it goes. Although things are changing in modern times, Batswana are still not the most affectionate or romantic people, and often refer to certain practices, public affection included as “dilo tsa makgoa.”
I personally don’t mind occasional affection but I am not the ‘touchy huggy’ type. I’m conscious of people getting too close to me because I relish my “space”. I prefer to be affectionate with my loved ones, a few close family and friends. Affection is OK and even research indicates that it is good for one’s mental and psychological well-being. But while a simple hug, pat on the back, slight touch or holding hands is fine; some people take it to different levels and their affection borders on intimacy.
There are people with silly tendencies who seemingly use affection as an opportunity to flirt and entice others sexually. You know those people who are a bit too affectionate, and even if they don’t know someone they’ll be all over them like a rash, motho wa teng a batla go go tlamuka o ipotsa gore o ire jang tota! Motho wa teng o tla bo a susumela, a gagamatsa mmele a nnetse go shenama e ka re o tla re: “A ga re potele ka kwa?”
These random “hugs” are controversial. When the person steps in for a hug, the crotch comes before the body and they hold on tightly, sometimes with their eyes closed and you wonder, is this a hug or foreplay? Hugging or touching people in a civilised manner is fine if they have no problem with it but there are boundaries. This brings me to the point that we have a social habit of picking up, playing with and kissing babies.
There are ways to amuse or play with a child without kissing them. If the child is not yours… e se wa ko ga lona, please, don’t kiss them. No offence but we don’t know where your lips have been. Children have weaker immune systems so a touch of germs and bacteria can spur illness. I recall this one time I was travelling on a bus and one young lady next to me was seated with her daughter, who was probably two-years old or so. The energetic tot kept the passengers amused with her antics and baby talk. She later got restless and started crying.
Her mother struggled to calm her down. Then this one middle-aged man seated on the opposite seat reached out for the child and started hugging her. He then exclaimed: “Suna papa!” and proceeded to put his dark nicotine-stained mouth to the child’s lips!
He lifted the child and made her wiggle before planting yet another wet kiss on her lips and coddling her. I was horrified! All I could see was a paedophile. The mother was also clearly uncomfortable as she grabbed the child from the man. Look, maybe he meant well… or not.
But his behaviour was the modus operandi of a paedophile – he was too affectionate. Kana these people start off kissing people’s children and then next they start touching them inappropriately ba itekanya a mmitsa mosadi wa gagwe. A re, Suna papa…Heedu, tlerere!
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