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Mr Law Incarnate, the Stealth Machine Dlodloman hits back

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Dear Sidney Pilane

After that recent storm, I now write to tell you that I am happy for you. You see, you have once again proved to be the only Advocate in politics who understands the law. And yet you never make too much noise about it. It is for this reason that I admire you the same way I do the famed American stealth fighter jet.

Obviously because you too, go about your business like the stealth fighter jet! You see very little of it; you hear almost nothing when it approaches for attack. And when it finally strikes, it will be too late to hit back. That’s the time you hear its roaring engines… long after it has caused damage. Ahead of the landmark decision on that controversial constitution shoved under the cover of darkness into the Registrar’s bag of many file folders, the B-52s, the R-9s and S-5s were making all the noise in the sky, exciting their fanatical admirers who were cheering blindly at their raucous trails, while the stealth fighter was loud in its silence of deceit, with only a few even believing it could overpower those noisy ones with their superior numerical strength.

Now the irritating noise of the loud bombers is subdued, while the stealth fighter continues to leave all in suspense, wondering where it will strike next. It’s indeed true mister, that empty vessels make the loudest noise. Didn’t I assure you in my last letter to you that you will soon be proving your haters wrong? You see why, Dlodlo, I always implored you to remain calm in the midst of all the misplaced hatred on you? Now they are all clutching at straws, each man trying from their own corner to find something else to pin on you. These people should have learnt from Ndaba and Co, that wena ga o wa bana.

Those guys were not as foolish and timid as they were purported to be. They knew that dealing with you on matters of the law was no child’s play. I heard them call Ndaba and Co. some names, among them Ditete. The tables have since turned, and now they are again blaming the poor Ndaba for letting you loose and letting you to take charge at the orange movement, which has by extension allowed you to be in the mix of those in control under the tattered blue umbrella. They bragged that bone they were going to deal with you constitutionally, and I warned them, you will recall, that where the law is concerned, you are never wrong.

I warned them against fighting you legally, and even painted them a picture of you being the alligator in a raging river, while they are only mongrels trying to fight you inside the water. Kana even if the mongrels were to try to wrestle you out of the water, they would slip and fall back into your trap. So tota the mongrels were always bound to lose. You see, mongrels, like those fighter jets, are always the noisy ones; barking and scratching the ground in animated fashion, but without the killer bite, while the alligator, like the stealth fighter, would always be calm, and silently lying in wait, until the time is right to strike.

Now look at the mongrels as they scurry away with tails tucked between their legs! They do not even want to look back. They are now thinking of rather forming alliances to fight from a different turf. When they were warned of your Terminator powers, and that you were out to dismantle their umbrella, they teased those who warned, calling them CryBabies. Now the Terminator Alligator has struck, and The Gladiators are seeking refuge at the older enemy territory. So well done, Mr Law who doesn’t brag about it! You once again proved that you are a man of few words and more actions – after all, they say, actions speak louder than words. Banna ba ne ba tsositse modumo, ba ikgasola ka go itse molao, not realising that what they claim to know is not even half of what you know yourself. Nna tota as you will attest, I have always read petty jealousies in all of this. Your success story is too complicated for them to comprehend. They can only fight you politically now, by perhaps making decisions that are legal, but will leave you with little control of things. I now hear they are in talks with those they called CryBabies.

I hear too, that you are also talking to them – the ones you called renegades. Isn’t it ironic then, that the one constant feature in all of this, is the very one you and The Gladiators gave unpalatable names? Come to think of it; for different reasons, the Alligator and The Gladiator hated the purple guys. Now you are both courting them. For self-serving reasons of course! When it suited both of you, the Ndabas were cry-babies and renegades, now they are the go-to guys for meeting an end? This politics thing really is confusing.

I mean, look at you – gatwe you are busy o phosha Ndaba whom you labelled a renegade and a rebel; on the other hand, The Gladiator is busy cajoling the very same man he labelled corrupt and greedy. Elsewhere, SisiBoy o shimega the same guy he used to praise and worship as the incarnation of God. Tota lware lo ntse jang mapolotiki lo tshameka ka ditlhogo tsa rona jaana? Just look at this other one: the very same media houses he used to scorn, ridicule and stifle of business are the ones he is running to for cover when the tables are being turned on him. And like the ever gullible electorate who always vote back the very people who make them suffer, the same media houses are entertaining his proposals for engagement.

The same media houses that have become destitutes because of him! SisiBoy is reading the script and realises that even if he too can supress the press, the same press will in future come out to give him the platform he needs to hit back at detractors. But what can we say? We are a forgiving nation. We forget very quickly. A man sneaks into your house to sleep with your wife, and the next day when his wife sends him packing, you are the one giving him shelter again in your own home? You have to admire us, Batswana, for such a forgiving spirit.

Check out how Kgama has out of the blue forgiven The Gladiator for all the things he used to say about him. He is even on record saying he admires The Gladiator. Look at how The Gladiator himself has forgiven that Lime Party Leader who once called him RaBaki. The same Lime Party Leader who once told The Gladiator to fok off and shut up for good on that day you guys were discussing the Moshupa by-election. And look at how Ndaba has forgiven you for calling him a rebel. In all this, it is always us, your followers, who are left with an egg on the face.

The one moment we praised you, Dlodlo, only because that Lime Party Leader and The Gladiator, our leaders, were praising you as well. Now they are vilifying you, we have to do the same. Eish… Waitse I admire men like you – men who like chameleons can change colour and allegiance several times and still keep their followers. Yet tota nna I still believe you guys are playing on our ignorance, naivety and fanaticism. Nna tota the way I see it, you guys have always been buddies and you have always entertained each other when we are not looking, and then come out to pretend you abhor one another.

From way back we have heard of that Lime Party Leader sharing business interests with the Kgamas and Seretses; we have known you, Dlodlo, to fight on the side of the Kgamas; I have known The Gladiator to be bosom buddies with that Sadique guy he recently labelled corrupt; we have always known you and The Gladiator to be associates who even trade cases; we have always known you to be close to Kgosi; I have always known Kgosi to be close to The Gladiator; and even you, Dlodloman, have confessed to having intimate meetings with the Lime Party Leader.

I have known The Gladiator to be close to Kgama, even at one point reported to have sought financial assistance from the man. Kana e bile at that time, he is said to have been close to joining Kgama’s party. Yet somehow, somewhere at some time, you guys present a picture of people in combat. I mean, what is this thing we hear that The Gladiator is working on a political strategy with Kgama now? Kana e bile maloba I was thinking aloud, gore: if indeed The Gladiator represents Kgama and Kgosi in court, and they win the case, will he go on to prosecute them again should he end up becoming President in 2019? Akere he has promised to start with them on his crackdown on corrupt people?

Kante wena oe leba jang kgang e Bra Dlodloman? It is in times like these that I am reminded of the likes of Gabriel Kanjabanga. Kante ene o kae? Could he too, like you, be stealth in his approach to all these political shenanigans unfolding before our eyes? Could his be an insidious move that will come out in the open at the eleventh hour? Kana these political games of Botswana need one to be always vigilant and on their toes. I am only waiting for your next move as well. I wonder what it is you are cooking now, but whatever it is, it must be intriguing. I see some men are having sleepless nights over your silence. What could it be you are planning next Dlodlo? A resignation from the BMD perhaps?

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This lockdown is going to plunge many into depression

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Dear Mokgweetsi Masisi

Today, Wednesday April 1, 2020, marks exactly two years since you were sworn in as President of this republic, and I wonder how you will be celebrating this milestone while under quarantine. Kana right now we could be coming over there to celebrate with you had you not blundered by attending  that State House pool party in Namibia. Your residence would be lit this time, ree ja joy in celebration of your second anniversary since your ascendance to the highest office on the Tswana land. Knowing you, this corona thing would have been shoved aside to allow the world to know gore you are turning two years as President – even after announcing a lockdown on Tuesday. Akere wena you are often thus – you say this, you do the other. Kana gape it would be your chance to show that Namibian President gore le wena you can gather people for a celebration even amidst this state of public emergency. Akere le ene despite global warnings against international travel he decided to host a party and invited you – the result of which you are now in quarantine. I just wonder how Atsile and MmaAtsile are coping with an absent Daddy and Hubby. In fact, we haven’t heard much of our lovely First Lady since you went into quarantine – even at this odd hour when a mother-figure is needed to reassure the nation that all will be alright. O re costile motherlove Morena. Kana if it wasn’t for that reckless trip, we could be seeing her around with you. Jaanong mmanyana gatwe a seka a go atumela shem…
Anyway, it was great to see you looking fit and strong on Tuesday morning BraMEK, and we are glad you are showing no signs of infection. Kana yo mogare e bile ga o tlhaole. It doesn’t care if you are a British Prime Minister, German Chancellor or a Royal Prince. Neither does it care if you are a Head of State, or popular football star or internationally-acclaimed movie star – e ralla anyone Covid-19, rich or poor; black or white and everything in between. So seeing you looking that healthy after that risky Namibia trip has helped reassure us that within the gloom and doom of the socio-economic crisis created by the virus world-wide, there is that silver lining of remembering that it does not just infect unless invited to, and that even when it has infected one, death is not always a given. I realise however that you waited for your anniversary day to pass without impediment before you could institute the start of the lockdown tomorrow. We support your decisiveness nonetheless and promise to abide by the guidelines laid before us to boost our survival chance against this monster of a virus. I see you have even tried to do all in your power to ensure individuals and business entities do not feel the extreme wrath of this Covid-19 and the attendant lockdown. Among the things in your rescue package I see you talk of tax holidays for businesses; access to credit; immediate reconnection of water; decrease in fuel prices; an economic stimulus package; loan guarantees for businesses; restructuring of loans with banks; relaxed payment of insurance premiums for both individuals and companies; provision of a wage subsidy for citizen employees of businesses mostly affected by the virus in order to enable them to retain employees; expedited payments to business entities by government and parastatals … and other interventions intended go fokotsa manokonoko a Covid-19. Yet there are those still in tears Big MEK, who ask gore bone gatwe bone ke ba ga mang. These are the folks who live from hand to mouth, who worry that the lockdown will kill them even faster than the virus itself. Akere Tautona there are people who make an instant daily stipend from clearing the weeds, doing laundry, selling fatcakes, selling cooltime, veggies, sweets and mabudula on the streets as well as those who sell traditional beer? How do they make money for their groceries ne Tautona? What measures do you have in place for them? In your address on Tuesday morning you did not elaborate on that and I pray that by the time this letter reaches you, you would have clarified the matter. Kana these are the people who will not comply because one way or the other, they would have to go out there to hassle. I bet they were wondering who exactly you were talking to when you mentioned the issue of panic buying. You need to urgently come up with a plan for them BraMEK, otherwise they may have to choose between death by hunger and death by corona. Go riana there is one mosadimogolo in Ramotswa who was made to spill away her traditional brew last week, despite having started the fermentation process two days before Trade Minister Peggy Serame decreed that there would be no sale of alcohol. Gatwe mosadimogolo o sale a bedisa ka Tuesday before the ban on sale of alcohol was announced ka Thursday. Her brew got ready for sale on Saturday but your men of the law came hard on her, making her throw it all away. Imagine such instances BraMEK on our oldies who seem to have been left out in your disucusions ahead of the sale ban of bojwala. Others BraMEK say you never even bothered to address their worries against landlords who will still demand rent for their houses despite the tenants not going out to work and make money on the streets. There are also these chaps who depend on our absence from our homes to make a living – the ones who take advantage of our absence to break into our homes to take what they never had to sweat for. Ba re o ba bolaile because homesteads will be occupied throughout the day. They worry that with soldiers and police officers expected to be unleashed on the streets, they may have a difficult time to do any work at night. And in the case these chaps continue to work and flout the lockdown and extreme social distancing rules, what can we expect you to do with them Tautona? Could they straightaway be charged with attempted murder should they test positive for coronavirus? Akere by coming into our homes they would have exposed us to harm? And then there are the ladies of the night BraMEK, although I know you would argue that the law does not recognise them. But hey, they are there and their hassle is real. If you are going to keep their customers under lockdown, how will they survive? Kana e bile these days they are a bit sophisticated – they rent houses from which they operate, where their clients meet them for a roll in the hay. They have to make money for both the rent and their meals. If we don’t aid them they too pose a risk as they might sneak out to go and meet their clients ‘halfway’ and end up infecting each other. As I said earlier, I hope you do something about these forgotten citizens, even if it is it could mean dropping a bag of Tsabana in each household. Note also that suddenly – after you announced the lockdown – some employers out there are beginning to label their traditionally lowly-regarded workers as ‘essential service employees.’ Yet they have nothing to offer them commensurate with the new label. Others are dismissing employees already, claiming the lockdown will kill their business. And with the grounding of public transport vehicles, these companies have no plan how to get their essential service workers to the workplace. Ne kere le bone ba o ba tlhodumele Tautona. And on a more serious note, I worry about our mental health BraMEK. I tell you this lockdown is going to have its toll on the mental health of many. There is too much anxiety right now and there is a general fear of the unknown. With no light visible at the other end of the tunnel, many will be choking in there, worried about the uncertainty of everything including the well-being of relatives, the security around their jobs, the inability to attend funerals of their loved ones… resulting in rising stress levels and possible depression. Some couples will be annoying each other and expect cases of GBV to rise during this period. I hope you will look into such matters to ensure people are given some form of counselling and advice, especially through television and radio. Otherwise we thank you for acting on this lockdown thing sooner than later – although I still feel it should have come earlier. It was always going to be pointless to wait for deaths to go uncontrollably high before we could take the virus seriously. You had no choice but to put us down into extreme social distancing. Mistakes are going to happen along the way, and I hope we will help you go through correcting them amicably together without pointing fingers. And what an opportune time for bonding to happen! Parents will school their children and tertiary students will have enough time to reorganise themselves in preparation of the next time the coursework rooms open. Husbands and wives who all along did not see eye to eye will emerge from this lockdown a lot closer. And during the potentially lonely days, I hope there will be enough and clear communication to keep people at ease. For now it is Goodbye Mr President. Pass my warmest regards to my cousin Neo and her little girl. And sorry about the sleepless nights you and especially Health Minister Lems Kwape have to endure. I really feel for the poor chap; and pass this message to him that we all love him. We see what he is doing and what he is going through. Cheers for now MEK.

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Ebenezer!

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This year marks my 10th year as an employee of The Botswana Guardian and The Midweek Sun newspapers, under the CBET Pty Ltd company.

I still remember one afternoon of 2010 when I was in Francistown. I was waiting for my graduation from the University of Botswana where I did Bachelor of Media Studies. I had just started a freelancing job with Mmegi in the Ghetto when one of the Guardian/Sun managers Tlotlo Mbazo called me offering a job opportunity. See, during our time, UB newspaper- then known as The UB Horizon was hyped and big.

We distributed it across newsrooms in the country. In addition to this, one of my former Journalism lecturers Julia Cass had advised us to always cut our articles and keep portfolios and later send them across media houses for opportunities. So when MmaMbazo called me about an opportunity that had come up, I knew she had seen my work that I had submitted a few months before closing at UB.

Coming into the Guardian/Sun newsroom the first days was exciting yet challenging at the same time. I found many male colleagues that were also very loud and pushy. Intimidating. At times, annoying. Some were old, reminding me of the set up in international newsrooms where journalists are older. The 24 year-old me then was timid and emotional…but zealous and curious. I was impressed however by the female journos that oozed energy and passion.

The truth about the media industry is that there was a time when it was male-dominated. Women were thrown into light beats and strong ones were tackled by males. Though it was the case with Guardian/Sun then, seeing the likes of Phemelo Ramaribeng nee Ramasu pursue News was encouraging. Her human interest stories to a larger extent  contributed to my love for Human Rights issues.

I worked under the leadership of great men who all shaped my career in special ways. The likes of peculiar Mpho Dibeela who has since gone into newspaper ownership; Mike Mothibi, the sophisticated writer with a passion for farming; courageous Abraham Motsokono who called a spade a spade and not a big spoon; fatherly Ernest Moloi who helped build resilience in me; Mbazo, woman of the board who leads tenderly but with a stern posture; Justice Kavahematui with a very calm demeanor; Joe Brown-Tlhaselo the perfectionist who pays attention to every detail in the paper – in fact it was Joe-Brown who welcomed me the first day by offering me a chair and lunch! And then there is  Boitshepo Balozwi, my editor-turned-friend who every now and then blesses me with pearls of wisdom when ‘the devil wants to lie,’ as well as Dikarabo Ramadubu, our moving encyclopaedia.

Still under this list falls Beatrice Mbulawa, the magnificent General Manager who came with a unique style of managing a media house as a finance-steel lady. Joel Konopo and Ntibinyane Ntibinyane have always been deep hence their now establishment of the bullish INK Centre for Investigative Journalism. In 2012, they took me to Amabunghane Centre for Investigative Journalism in South Africa where my mindset changed altogether. That was an investment that I will always use in my Journalism. Douglas Tsiako also deserves recognition for always believing in me. Special mention of Ditiro Motlhabane for always putting me on my toes about my stories as my News Editor.

My colleagues across every department in The Guardian/Sun throughout the decade, both new and old, have been fascinating. The team is a rare, winning breed. Group dynamics is as real as it gets but I can say unfazed, that I learn a lot from every single individual in our newsroom. The energy here is right. It’s amazing.

So much can be said about my decade in our newsroom. Perhaps, my number one lesson is that of servitude. Journalists are servants. They should serve. At church we say EBENEZER – Thus far the Lord has brought me. Thank you.

Facebook/Instagram: Yvonne Tshepang Mooka
LinkedIn: Yvonne Mooka
Twitter: @yvonnemooka
Email: yvonnequeen2003@gmail.com

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