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Withstand societal pressure with Emotional Intelligence

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A new year often brings new hope, however, when that hope is shattered by failure and disappointment; it could be a matter of life and death for some.

Although mental health, depression and other related illnesses, as well as suicide are everyday challenges that society grapples with, they are often heightened during times like festive season.
Social Worker also Lecturer at University of Botswana, Kgomotso Jongman says people should not allow societal pressure to weigh them down, especially during this time. “Of late, we have become a very materialistic society, we judge each other on what we have achieved materially than our purpose,” he says.

For example, when people travel for holidays to their respective villages, others have bought new cars; others bring new wives, while others show off their latest fashion and prized possessions.
Jongman who heads Jo’Speaks – an organisation focused on youth development and purposeful living, adds that it is critical for individuals to find purpose and set personal goals that will help them withstand unreasonable social expectation.

“It’s a challenge because my family and relatives may judge me because I have not yet bought a car, and not on the impact and value that I have made in other people’s lives, because that they cannot see. There is always conflict between my goal and social expectation,” he says.Jongman adds that if people are not strong enough, they may crumble under emotional, psychological, mental and financial strain and pressure. The way out, according to him is for people to develop their emotional state and become emotionally intelligent.

“We can only win by emotional intelligence. When you are emotionally intelligent, you are able to withstand such pressure and even laugh off some of the things that may deem hurtful,” he says.
David Mangwegape of Embrace Emotions Support Network (EESN) concurs. He believes that pressure to satisfy people is often detrimental. Mangwegape, also a Social Worker by profession says though depression, mental illness and other related illnesses, and even suicide are not specific to a certain period of the year, festive season could heighten them.

“During family gatherings other family members tend to look down on others perhaps because of what they have failed to achieve in their view.” When this happens, according to Mangwegape, one might feel like they are hopeless and are a disappointment, and that they may not have a reason to live. “It is important to be sensitive to those around you and be aware of the signs,” Mangwegape cautions, warning that some people take such issues very lightly until too late. He advises that people should look out for a number of warning signs including; previous suicide attempts, talking about death or suicide, withdrawing from family and friends, moodiness, and feeling worthless.

He believes that it is the responsibility of parents, guardians, siblings, friends, colleagues to always read between the lines when one gives signals that they are going through difficulties or challenges in their lives. According to World Health Organisation (WHO) 2017 data, 220 or 1.5 percent of all deaths were attributed to suicide in Botswana. Botswana is currently ranked 57th in the world. Generally, the majority of suicides and suicides attempts occur among individuals who suffer from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness and depression, with WHO estimating that more than 300 million people are affected by depression worldwide.

In Botswana, men are the most affected. According to Near Bagali of the Botswana Police Public Relations Unit, currently specific number of suicide cases are not available, however, most suicides emanate from murder cases and attempts, as well as cases of crimes of passion. “Men are the most affected as they hang themselves especially after committing the offence of murder as a result of misunderstandings, particularly involving relationships,” says Bagali. So far this year, there have been 555 murder and attempts and 85 cases of crimes of passion.

This year’s message from the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) has been that all need to work together to prevent suicide. The organisation believes that taking a minute to reach out to someone in the community, a family member, friend, colleague or even a stranger could change the course of another’s life.According to IASP, people are often reluctant to intervene for fear of not knowing what to say among other reasons. “There is no specific formula. Empathy, compassion, genuine concern and a desire to help are key to preventing a tragedy.”

IASP also suggests that some people hesitate to intervene from fear of making the situation worse. However, evidence suggests that this is not the case. “The offer of support and a listening ear are more likely to reduce distress, as opposed to exacerbating it.”

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UNLIKELY SIGHT: Former DIS Director Isaac Kgosi was arrested on Tuesday night by DIS agents led by his successor Peter Magosi

The arrest of founding Head of Directorate of Intelligence and Securty Services (DISS), Isaac Kgosi at Sir Seretse Khama International Airport (SSKA) Tuesday night adds a new twist in the ominously dangerous local political climate.

Kgosi was arrested in the airport lobby as he pushed his luggage trolley immediately on arrival from South Africa yesterday night by DISS agents led by the new spy boss, Peter Magosi.
He was then handed what appeared to be an arrest warrant, which he read before being handcuffed amidst protestations that the DISS had invited the Press to embarrass him in a public spectacle.
After a brief spell Kgosi succumbed and was whisked away to Mogositshane Police Station where he would be read his charges. He was overheard telling Magosi he was going to “topple this government, I promise you,” a threat which in law constitutes treason.

At the time of writing, Kgosi’s lawyer Unoda Mack and one of Kgosi’s close relatives were said to be at the airport. The arrest happened on the fifth day of President Dr. Mokgweetsi Masisi’s private visit to his Mozambican colleague, Filipe Jacinto Nyusi. Masisi is due to arrive home today Wednesday January 16th.

Kgosi’s arrest is bound to exacerbate the rift between President Dr. Masisi and his predecessor, Dr. Ian Khama. Their feud – initially over a perceived refusal of the state to avail Khama air travel for his personal and official chores – broke irretrievably when Masisi fired Isaac Kgosi from the public service.To make matters worse, Masisi also declined Khama’s overtures to hire Kgosi as his Private Secretary. Parallel to this feuding, the state was busy investigating corruption and money laundering charges against Kgosi and his alleged involvement in the National Petroleum Fund (NPF) scandal.

Kgosi was appointed by Khama during the latter’s presidency. He is not only a close personal friend of Khama but also worked with him at the Botswana Defence Force (BDF). A renowned sniper (marksman), Kgosi’s DISS was the embodiment of fear.

The spy agency was described as a law unto itself and despised for eavesdropping on people’s conversations and alleged acts of terror including extra-judicial killings. His arrest and possible prosecution during an election year signals the state’s unflinching commitment to instil the rule of law and restore public confidence in oversight institutions.However, this could provoke a long drawn-out battle between the antagonistic factionsof the ruling Botswana Democratic Party – the pro-Khama New Jerusalem and pro-Masisi Cava – with the sum effect of compromising public service delivery. It is no secret Kgosi is on the side of Khama, and that Khama depends on Kgosi for his exploits.

Yet again, the arrest is the administrtaion’s unambigous message that it has thrown down the gauntlet for the perceived purveyors of corruption to take up. It remains to be seen how Kgosi will react. He allegedly told Magosi Tuesday night, “You are forcing me to do things I never intended to do,” what these things are, is known only to him. However, on the political front there is general foreboding that feeds the lust of doomsday prophets.

The country’s eminent citizens among them the thrid president, Festus Mogae as well as former Vice Presiddent Ponatshego Kedikilwe and property magnate, David Magang have joined the fray on the side of President Masisi in the protracted Khama/Masisi impasse. And just like at the height of the legal brawl between the State and former Debswana boss, Louis Nchindo – Mogae will not harbour any secrets – not least concerning Khama’s ill-fated succession plan and Masisi’s role in it.

Suddenly, the internal power struggle in the BDP has become a national security threat and a cancer that threatens to eat away the gains made in the country’s 53 year history as a democracy.
Conversely, it has emboldened others and awakened the allure of contestation in former minister Pelonomi Venson-Moitoi to challenge Masisi for the party’s presidency at this year’s July national congress, which thing, some watchers dismiss as “absurd” while other pundits, such as foreign minister Unity Dow, see Mma Venson as a decoy or proxy for Khama’s grand comeback to the presidency.

Khama has however denied attempts at pulling a ‘Putin”- that is, returning to the presidency after his constitutional term has expired.
Just as the Sybilline Oracle warned the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar about the Ides of March, the BDP was forewarned by a Zambian ‘seer’or prophet; long ago about its eventual collapse, which is eerily becoming imminent with the passage of time.

Some may say, the Botswana Democratic Party made its bed when it recruited Khama into politics from the military and must now lie on it. But the reality is that the Khama/Masisi feud risks tearing the county asunder. A Tswana dictum counsels that there can be no two bulls in a kraal at the same time, and in like manner, there can be no two presidents in a republic or two centres of power. This is the warning that all the eminent BDP leaders have sounded to the nation and the party.

President Dr. Masisi stirred the hornet’s nest and rattled the interest of white monopoly capital last year when at the height of the elephant poaching scandal, that made international headlines, he disamrmed the Wildlife Protection Unit.

He also had the audacity to set up a plebiscite to gauge the people’s views regarding the ban on wildlife hunting, which had been a permanent feature of the past adminstration. The disarming of the Unit particularly carried a sting with Khama, himself an avowed conservationist and distinguished fellow of Conservation International. And all these actions that seem to go against the wishes of Khama and his loyalists, threaten to plunge the country into a state of disrepair, for they will not take the latest arrest lying down. Khama will surely react, and the nation should be on the alert.

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Woman raped by another woman in BMW

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A woman can rape another woman in Botswana. This was recently brought to light by one of the victims as the debate about the escalating and shocking rape cases that continue to grip the nation.

Most often attention is always on incidents where men rape men or men rape women, but while it is something that is happening, a woman raping a woman is somewhat seen as taboo. Model and businesswoman Julie Juice Tsile recently found the courage to talk about her harrowing experience at the hands of a trusted member of society, who also happens to be married. In a post shared on January 9th on Facebook, Tsile narrated how the perpetrator is a married woman, someone’s mother, and a mutual friend to some. It all started when the woman whom she refers to as Goaba asked her to accompany her to collect something from the car.

The two were attending an event with friends. “I had just met her through a friend. So, if a married woman asks you to go to the car with her, you can never think of anything right, you somehow feel safe right,” she says in the post.

Things took a different turn when they arrived at the car.
Goaba asked her to get inside the car, which she did unaware that her companion had an ulterior motive. She admits that on the day, she had been drinking but was not drunk, and that the car was parked in the car park area. After all, she could see the security people not far from where they were.

Tsile also notes that in her head, she was thinking that the woman was asking her to get inside the car just to be safe. “So, I closed the door and sat on the passenger seat,” says Tsile.And that is when everything changed. Goaba kissed her on the lips, and she didn’t resist. “So, I just brushed it off thinking gore (sic) ah it’s just a kiss, women can be curious,” states Tsile. After this Tsile told Goaba that she has to go look for her friends because she had left without telling them where she was going. But this was only the beginning of her horror. Her perpetrator grabbed her hand and pulled her panty down. Tsile was wearing a short dress and Goaba started poking her genitals with her long nails.

All this time, Goaba did not say anything but she had an evil look on her face while doing it. “I was shocked, I honestly didn’t move, I froze because my mind could not digest what was happening. I then managed to push her away, opened the car and I just stood there in shock,” she explains. A security guy who was near them came towards her and asked her if they were fighting. At that point
Tsile started crying and sharing how she was raped by the woman in the white BMW.

“He was shocked, he then approached the car but the woman fled.So he called another security car to ask him to block the lady at the gate, so they started asking me to repeat the story. The other guy started laughing, until he saw blood running between my legs,” she says.Tsile has not forgotten what the woman who drives a white BMW, and is married to a white man known only as Paul did to her. “You took a piece of me from that day on,” she says.

She says she did not report at the time because she was scared and was just starting out with her business. She also wondered how her family and friends were going to react to the incident. “Lastly repeating the story, being laughed at, being asked to explain how a woman can rape you, all those things I couldn’t deal with or that I asked for it. So, beware of this woman, she is your friend, your sister probably your mother but she took away a piece of me and I hope she doesn’t do the same to any other woman out there,” she concludes her story.

The post attracted a lot of attention, and another victim came forward to share how a neighbour also did the same thing to her. Tsile told this newspaper that the matter has been reported to Central Police Station, and that she did not want to jeopardise the case. However, Head of Central Police Station (CPS) Superintendent Mothusi Phadi informed this publication that they have not received any report of this nature.

But he said that their doors were open to Tsile, and that she was welcome to come and report the matter. He assured the complainant that they would talk to her in private, and that they would treat the matter with the utmost confidentiality. “She is welcome to come and see me anytime,” he said.

Human Rights Lawyer, Uyapo Ndadi told this publication that he has heard stories of women raping other women although they have never been tested before the courts of law. He said the law in Botswana provides for rape between people of the same sex.

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