The marital vow ‘For better and for worse’ is slowly losing meaning, considering the alarming divorce cases in Botswana. According to the High Court statistics, over 1400 divorce cases were registered last year (2017). The previous year, 1316 had been recorded.
The numbers had increased from 2015 in which 1190 were registered, which was also an increase from 1088 in 2014. According to official statistics, since 2013 to date, 7000 cases were registered for divorce and the number is expected to go up. According to Statistics Botswana data from the Department of Civil and National Registration (CNR), trends in Marriages between 2005 and 2014, the number of marriages registered was on an increase.
“Marriages increased drastically from 4, 601 in 2011 to 5, 214 in 2012 and continued to steadily increase to 5, 591 in 2014,” the statistics indicate. The trend only shows a downward spiral during the period 2009 to 2011 which incidentally was the period when the world was experiencing an economic downturn. The statistics also shows that the highest proportion of marriages was registered in Gaborone, which accounted for about 12 percent of all marriages. It was closely followed by Kweneng East, and then Ngwaketse South. Ngamiland West registered the least number of marriages constituting 0.1 percent of all marriages.
It indicates that the proportions of males and females marrying differ across different occupations. In 2014, the highest proportion (15.8 percent) of males marrying fell within the category of legislators, administrators and managers.
Marriage for females who were not employed was highest (34.6 percent). The crude marriage rate gives the number of persons marrying within a specified time period per 1, 000 population of all ages. The report shows that the crude marriage rate for Botswana is steadily increasing from 4.54 in 2011 to 5.45 marriages per 1, 000 population in 2014. The crude marriage rate was highest in 2007 and 2008 with around 6 per 1, 000 population. The report at the marriage section includes time series table of marriages that occurred from 2005 to 2014. It also includes tables on age at marriage, previous marital status, profession of both the groom and bride and the district of marriage.
What could be wrong?
Local attorney Uyapo Ndadi states that marriages fail to survive because partners do not share responsibilities. His take is that some partners are a liability to the marriage institution. “When you say, ‘I do,’ you are expected to join hands in making the marriage work, and that includes sharing responsibilities. Marriage is a journey, hence spouses should help each other,” he says.
When dealing with divorce cases, Ndadi observes that marriages break when the men do not provide for their families, saying it exposes their families to debts. He also says lack of communication contributes as it leaves spouses in suspicion or feeling inadequate. He says that poor communication in marriage leads to disorder.
“When spouses do not consult each other on business decisions, finances and the like, marriage collapses,” he says. He also says that absent parents in marriage kill the union. “When you are married and have children, you are supposed to raise them together. That is your responsibility, not for one spouse,” he says. Ndadi however states that couples usually come to him direct on adultery issues. He says spouses often complain that the other comes home late or does not sleep at home. “That’s when aggression comes in because the spouse in question does not want to be held accountable or be confronted on their whereabouts,” he says.
‘In-laws should advise but not interfere’
Pastor Michael Basimolodi of Grace at Work Ministries states that many marriages were destroyed by in-laws. His take is that in-laws can advise but not control and interfere with their children’s marriages.
“When solemnising marriages, I always address parents. They should stay away from their children’s marriage. Once they have released them into marriage, let them give them space. This however doesn’t mean they’re non-existent. It means they should respect boundaries,” he says. Ndadi however says that in-laws will only interefe in the marriage if spouses allow them to. “If you open the door for them, they will use it. If you don’t teach your family to respect your spouse, they won’t. Actually, they treat your spouse how you treat him or her,” he says.
Pastor Basimolodi also states that finances also contribute to divorce. He says that where there is no transparency, shared financial obligations and financial education, there is likely to be a collapse of marriage. He emphasised pre-marital counselling, saying without it, marriages will be doomed.Traditional leader in Kanye Rebaone Katlholo says that divorce is caused by people rushing into marriage, saying that there is a need to introspect before one gets married. He also says that men should lead their families without oppressing their wives.
“These days we’ve got passion killings even among married people. It means men lack vision,” he says. An accountant, DimphoTauetsile, says that women should continue to look after themselves even after they get married, adding that their husbands still need to find them attractive. “You used to wear stilettos before getting married, after the wedding, you are into pumps. Men pay attention. If your husband likes make-up, wear it. Go to the gym together after giving birth, don’t let your sexy-self go,” he says, also challenging men to continue loving their wives and pursuing them even in marriage. He says that marriage is like a garden and needs to be watered every now and then.
The arrest of founding Head of Directorate of Intelligence and Securty Services (DISS), Isaac Kgosi at Sir Seretse Khama International Airport (SSKA) Tuesday night adds a new twist in the ominously dangerous local political climate.
Kgosi was arrested in the airport lobby as he pushed his luggage trolley immediately on arrival from South Africa yesterday night by DISS agents led by the new spy boss, Peter Magosi.
He was then handed what appeared to be an arrest warrant, which he read before being handcuffed amidst protestations that the DISS had invited the Press to embarrass him in a public spectacle.
After a brief spell Kgosi succumbed and was whisked away to Mogositshane Police Station where he would be read his charges. He was overheard telling Magosi he was going to “topple this government, I promise you,” a threat which in law constitutes treason.
At the time of writing, Kgosi’s lawyer Unoda Mack and one of Kgosi’s close relatives were said to be at the airport. The arrest happened on the fifth day of President Dr. Mokgweetsi Masisi’s private visit to his Mozambican colleague, Filipe Jacinto Nyusi. Masisi is due to arrive home today Wednesday January 16th.
Kgosi’s arrest is bound to exacerbate the rift between President Dr. Masisi and his predecessor, Dr. Ian Khama. Their feud – initially over a perceived refusal of the state to avail Khama air travel for his personal and official chores – broke irretrievably when Masisi fired Isaac Kgosi from the public service.To make matters worse, Masisi also declined Khama’s overtures to hire Kgosi as his Private Secretary. Parallel to this feuding, the state was busy investigating corruption and money laundering charges against Kgosi and his alleged involvement in the National Petroleum Fund (NPF) scandal.
Kgosi was appointed by Khama during the latter’s presidency. He is not only a close personal friend of Khama but also worked with him at the Botswana Defence Force (BDF). A renowned sniper (marksman), Kgosi’s DISS was the embodiment of fear.
The spy agency was described as a law unto itself and despised for eavesdropping on people’s conversations and alleged acts of terror including extra-judicial killings. His arrest and possible prosecution during an election year signals the state’s unflinching commitment to instil the rule of law and restore public confidence in oversight institutions.However, this could provoke a long drawn-out battle between the antagonistic factionsof the ruling Botswana Democratic Party – the pro-Khama New Jerusalem and pro-Masisi Cava – with the sum effect of compromising public service delivery. It is no secret Kgosi is on the side of Khama, and that Khama depends on Kgosi for his exploits.
Yet again, the arrest is the administrtaion’s unambigous message that it has thrown down the gauntlet for the perceived purveyors of corruption to take up. It remains to be seen how Kgosi will react. He allegedly told Magosi Tuesday night, “You are forcing me to do things I never intended to do,” what these things are, is known only to him. However, on the political front there is general foreboding that feeds the lust of doomsday prophets.
The country’s eminent citizens among them the thrid president, Festus Mogae as well as former Vice Presiddent Ponatshego Kedikilwe and property magnate, David Magang have joined the fray on the side of President Masisi in the protracted Khama/Masisi impasse. And just like at the height of the legal brawl between the State and former Debswana boss, Louis Nchindo – Mogae will not harbour any secrets – not least concerning Khama’s ill-fated succession plan and Masisi’s role in it.
Suddenly, the internal power struggle in the BDP has become a national security threat and a cancer that threatens to eat away the gains made in the country’s 53 year history as a democracy.
Conversely, it has emboldened others and awakened the allure of contestation in former minister Pelonomi Venson-Moitoi to challenge Masisi for the party’s presidency at this year’s July national congress, which thing, some watchers dismiss as “absurd” while other pundits, such as foreign minister Unity Dow, see Mma Venson as a decoy or proxy for Khama’s grand comeback to the presidency.
Khama has however denied attempts at pulling a ‘Putin”- that is, returning to the presidency after his constitutional term has expired.
Just as the Sybilline Oracle warned the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar about the Ides of March, the BDP was forewarned by a Zambian ‘seer’or prophet; long ago about its eventual collapse, which is eerily becoming imminent with the passage of time.
Some may say, the Botswana Democratic Party made its bed when it recruited Khama into politics from the military and must now lie on it. But the reality is that the Khama/Masisi feud risks tearing the county asunder. A Tswana dictum counsels that there can be no two bulls in a kraal at the same time, and in like manner, there can be no two presidents in a republic or two centres of power. This is the warning that all the eminent BDP leaders have sounded to the nation and the party.
President Dr. Masisi stirred the hornet’s nest and rattled the interest of white monopoly capital last year when at the height of the elephant poaching scandal, that made international headlines, he disamrmed the Wildlife Protection Unit.
He also had the audacity to set up a plebiscite to gauge the people’s views regarding the ban on wildlife hunting, which had been a permanent feature of the past adminstration. The disarming of the Unit particularly carried a sting with Khama, himself an avowed conservationist and distinguished fellow of Conservation International. And all these actions that seem to go against the wishes of Khama and his loyalists, threaten to plunge the country into a state of disrepair, for they will not take the latest arrest lying down. Khama will surely react, and the nation should be on the alert.
Woman raped by another woman in BMW
A woman can rape another woman in Botswana. This was recently brought to light by one of the victims as the debate about the escalating and shocking rape cases that continue to grip the nation.
Most often attention is always on incidents where men rape men or men rape women, but while it is something that is happening, a woman raping a woman is somewhat seen as taboo. Model and businesswoman Julie Juice Tsile recently found the courage to talk about her harrowing experience at the hands of a trusted member of society, who also happens to be married. In a post shared on January 9th on Facebook, Tsile narrated how the perpetrator is a married woman, someone’s mother, and a mutual friend to some. It all started when the woman whom she refers to as Goaba asked her to accompany her to collect something from the car.
The two were attending an event with friends. “I had just met her through a friend. So, if a married woman asks you to go to the car with her, you can never think of anything right, you somehow feel safe right,” she says in the post.
Things took a different turn when they arrived at the car.
Goaba asked her to get inside the car, which she did unaware that her companion had an ulterior motive. She admits that on the day, she had been drinking but was not drunk, and that the car was parked in the car park area. After all, she could see the security people not far from where they were.
Tsile also notes that in her head, she was thinking that the woman was asking her to get inside the car just to be safe. “So, I closed the door and sat on the passenger seat,” says Tsile.And that is when everything changed. Goaba kissed her on the lips, and she didn’t resist. “So, I just brushed it off thinking gore (sic) ah it’s just a kiss, women can be curious,” states Tsile. After this Tsile told Goaba that she has to go look for her friends because she had left without telling them where she was going. But this was only the beginning of her horror. Her perpetrator grabbed her hand and pulled her panty down. Tsile was wearing a short dress and Goaba started poking her genitals with her long nails.
All this time, Goaba did not say anything but she had an evil look on her face while doing it. “I was shocked, I honestly didn’t move, I froze because my mind could not digest what was happening. I then managed to push her away, opened the car and I just stood there in shock,” she explains. A security guy who was near them came towards her and asked her if they were fighting. At that point
Tsile started crying and sharing how she was raped by the woman in the white BMW.
“He was shocked, he then approached the car but the woman fled.So he called another security car to ask him to block the lady at the gate, so they started asking me to repeat the story. The other guy started laughing, until he saw blood running between my legs,” she says.Tsile has not forgotten what the woman who drives a white BMW, and is married to a white man known only as Paul did to her. “You took a piece of me from that day on,” she says.
She says she did not report at the time because she was scared and was just starting out with her business. She also wondered how her family and friends were going to react to the incident. “Lastly repeating the story, being laughed at, being asked to explain how a woman can rape you, all those things I couldn’t deal with or that I asked for it. So, beware of this woman, she is your friend, your sister probably your mother but she took away a piece of me and I hope she doesn’t do the same to any other woman out there,” she concludes her story.
The post attracted a lot of attention, and another victim came forward to share how a neighbour also did the same thing to her. Tsile told this newspaper that the matter has been reported to Central Police Station, and that she did not want to jeopardise the case. However, Head of Central Police Station (CPS) Superintendent Mothusi Phadi informed this publication that they have not received any report of this nature.
But he said that their doors were open to Tsile, and that she was welcome to come and report the matter. He assured the complainant that they would talk to her in private, and that they would treat the matter with the utmost confidentiality. “She is welcome to come and see me anytime,” he said.
Human Rights Lawyer, Uyapo Ndadi told this publication that he has heard stories of women raping other women although they have never been tested before the courts of law. He said the law in Botswana provides for rape between people of the same sex.
Woman raped by another woman in BMW
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