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All Hail Kgama, Hail To Thee Kgosikgolo Ya Bangwato

Joe Brown



Dear Kgosi Kgama

Dumela Kgosikgolo! The message of your weekend meeting at the Serowe Show Grounds only reached me today and I am sorry to say I will not be able to make it. But I am happy to note that you are now making considerable steps towards taking your place as a Bamangwato Kgosikgolo and in the process doing away with these stressful and draining politics that have seen you lose your dignity and respect among a sizeable number of Batswana. Kana in politics anyone can say anything to anyone, and nobody cares if you have been an army general, president of a Kgosi. Ba go pagama fela jaaka ba batla, and there is usually little you can do about it. This is the reason I have never believed you could make it as a politician, because there, it’s everyman for himself and God for us all. Your right-hand man Guma Moyo recently captured it well when he said politics is a dirty game, and that if you find the kitchen too hot to handle, it is always best to quit. Please Kgosikgolo, as you gather the Bangwato from across the country this week, I pray that you tell them you are quitting not only the BDP but politics in general. No new party for you, no joining of any opposition party. This politics-thing is not your game Kgosikgolo and you are too big a personality to be allowing yourself to be made a holding platform of vile excretion from some who are even as young as would be your grandchildren had you been blessed to have some. Imagine if after handing over the presidential baton to SisiBoy you had receded into the background and avoided being as active as you have been in politics – you would still have your dignity intact, and the number of people according you utter respect would surely be higher than they are now. Over the past year, I have been saddened by the foul terms and expressions that were used to describe you – a thing that would never have happened had you gracefully retired out of active politics soon after leaving the presidency. You have been called all sorts of names and assigned all manner of descriptions – crybaby, dictator, powerhungry, warlord, spoilt Brit, vulture, rebel, selfish and most of all, bitter! That’s what people call you. Ba re oa tapeya – whatever that means. Kana days leading to your retirement as President, everyone held you in high regard, with especially Bangwato happy that you were finally coming back to Serowe to claim back what is rightfully yours. People at the time described you with beautiful words and expressions, almost always likening you to God Himself. It is for that reason everyone wanted to give you a goat or donkey where they couldn’t afford a cow or car. Everyday you received all manner of offerings that should have made you happy to go to your farm and relax in peace. Right now you could be taking from those collectives and giving back to your morafe in what has been understood to be your philanthropic nature. Now with your continued meddling in the politics of the BDP and the opposition, you have relegated yourself to a pitiable crybaby always seeking sympathy from the public, and always appearing like you have not gotten used to having someone else as your President. That’s why people say you are bitter and selfish. They say you are a self-centred man who just cannot accept it when a Head of State does not accede to what sometimes are unreasonable demands from you. You see Kgosikgolo, you should never have tried to be SisiBoy’s puppeteer. You should never have tried to make him do things only your way. You would have enjoyed your peace I tell you. Because you would never have had to live with the humiliation of being rejected on your demands. I know you all too well Kgosikgolo – you have never been one to be told No. You have never been one to allow anyone to tell you how to live your life although wena you had made it a habit to determine how people should live their lives. Now when SisiBoy wanted to remind you that he was The President and that you could not order him around, you took serious offence and you have since then vowed to make his life a living hell. Now you see, you have as a result spent all of your first retirement year expending all your energies on punishing SisiBoy. It has never been about SisiBoy being a bad person as you would want your people to believe nowadays. It is because from the very first time he refused to accede to your demands, you felt offended. You know from the bottom of your heart that SisiBoy is a great guy with good intensions, but your conduct towards him has turned him into the monster many see him to be. He has only had to react to what you were doing to him, and because you do not like to be defied, you continued putting more and more pressure on him, forcing him to fight back more and more. And now he indeed appears to be intolerant, even worse than you have ever been, because all he has ever had to do was to fight back with any form of might he could use. Just as the BDP created the monster in you, so have you aided in turning SisiBoy into the ruthless guy we see him to be today. Kana golo fale what did you say about him when you were going around the country parading him in front of Batswana as your trusted successor? Let me quote you verbatim Kgosikgolo: at one of your gatherings to bid Batswana farewell, this is what you said: “I will never stop or grow tired of thanking Masisi because he has been a rock by my side, someone I have always found extremely dependable. I have never ever, at one minute, regretted having made him my Vice President and you will never ever regret having him as your President.” These were your exact words to Batswana. And if now SisiBoy is the monster you suddenly want us to believe he is, Kgosikgolo, you are responsible in every way for his sudden change. Remember you imposed him on all of us, beginning at your party. Even when some did not think he deserved the presidency, you showed them that your decisions as President could not be challenged – a privilege you do not want to accord SisiBoy today. You harassed him from the very first month of his presidency, forcing him to fight back and eventually look like he is as dictatorial as you were. And it’s sad that when you often label him a dictator, you forget all of these – that you are the one who made him. In the end, you have caused among Batswana a division of loyalties. Because you see, you have thousands of these blind followers who have fanatically revered everything about you from as early as your army days when you could turn yourself into a housefly. These are the people who like you, would not even want to see, hear nor believe that anything bad that you do is actually bad. Even when you have been accused of extrajudicial killings of some citizens in the past, these fanatic followers of yours have defended you and justified what you did. Even the beer and clubbing lovers who were actually hurt by your cut on drinking hours defended your actions because as I intimated, they so love you blindly. When it comes to you, they neither see nor hear any evil. To them o mong wa mmu; mong wa lefatshe; and nothing negative about you is going to be true to them. I tell you even if you could shoot their relative dead, they would still defend your action. And there are many such people who so blindly follow you in Botswana right now, which makes it difficult for SisiBoy to be seen by everyone as the good-intensioned person that he is. And kana this SisiBoy chap has his own followers too – mostly the more sane and objective who tell him to his face when he does things wrong. The likes of Polson. I bet you might have been shocked just before the Kang congress when this Polson Majaga chap rallied people to vote for SisiBoy instead of your chosen candidate MmaV – because the same Majaga had been vocal in criticising SisiBoy whenever the President had derailed. And there are many such followers of SisiBoy around the country too. Which is why the nation is divided – your followers and his. And now here is the problem: his followers are insulting you. Your followers are insulting him. All manner of vile words are used to describe you two. But with him, it is understandable. He is just a commoner who really has no claim to royalty in the manner that you have. Wena you are Royalty and the incessant insults on you do not sit well with me and many others who think like me. Kana you are not a nobody Kgosikgolo. You are royalty and should be accorded that respect and honour. But for as long as you are going to continue meddling in political battles, you are going to lose the respect and dignity you deserve by birthright. They will not stop insuting you. So it is my prayer Kgosikgolo, that as you gather your subjects in Serowe this weekend, it will be to tell them you are finally leaving politics altogether, and that you are shifting to serving them from the Kgotla. That way, I tell you, you will get your dignity back. Everyone else will restore their respect for you. The insults will go. Politics is not for you MongWame. These political games will only drain you mentally. You have had your time in politics – you have gained a lot out of it. Now it is time for you to quit before you end up losing everything. I am actually encouraged by your recent snubbing of the BDP functions – it shows that you no longer want to be in politics. You didn’t attend the congress in Kang; neither did you attend their manifesto launch this past weekend. Why would you if you knew you wouldn’t even campaign for the manifesto? And the fact that you are calling Bangwato, it gives me hope that you are quitting this dirty game of lies and deceit to serve as Kgosikgolo only. While there, please don’t talk politics. I pray for that; I pray for your dignity. Just quit gracefully Mmabatho. Of course I remain curious what it is you now want to say or promise your people that you have failed to do in the ten years you had powers to make things happen. Botswana Television won’t cover the meeting I know, and so I will listen to you on one of the private radio stations. Adios Phuti!

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Stop abusing Kgosikgolo borra – e seng mo ngwaneng!

Joe Brown



Dear Pastor Biggie

I hope this brief finds you in a relatively stable state of mind my dear pastor. Having been one of the few people in politics whom I have had the bravery to defend as a genuinely caring and honest man, I must admit that over the past few days you left me defendless and helpless as those who differed with me on you in the past, came raining down on me with a barrage of ‘we-told-you-so’ artillery.

You see, these are the people I have on many occasions told that along with Ndaba and Robert, you are one of the few politicians I could risk a vote of confidence for being honest and principled.

In a lot of my past letters to the likes of Dlodlo, Gladiator, SisiBoy and Kgosikgolo, I have parroted the notion that politicians are self-serving and dishonest people who just care about what matters to only themselves while cunningly perpetuating a picture of caring, loving and selfless Good Samaritans.

Yet I have included you in my four-man list of those I could cite as an exception. You see, I still remember how you stood a lone ranger in Parley going against Kgosikgolo’s sentiments and those of his erstwhile party when you fought for the monumental recognition of the late Motswaledi and others.

Whenever people labelled you ‘moruti-ka-lefitshwana’I was always the first to defend you – demanding proof that indeed you were as dishonest as they said you were. I never accepted anything that suggested that you were as cunning and self-serving as other politicians.

But these past eventful weeks you proved me wrong Moruti Butale. You left me cowing in shame and unable to face my friends about you. You proved to be a disgrace to anything you have always claimed to be. That Friday I listened to your vitriol and felt so ashamed to call you my pastor. Moruti, all you did in Masunga two weeks back was to expose yourself as just another self-serving political fraudster who even used God’s name to preach hatred, regionalism and tribalism.

You should be ashamed of yourself Pastor. Before your meeting, I had read somewhere in a newspaper that you were hellbent on saying and doing anything to ensure people get to hate SisiBoy at whatever cost. Ao rra? Kana I didn’t believe the contents of that article. I thought, Nnyaa ba akela moruti. No moruti reacts this way to anything.

And to even drag your dear wife into such witchery – making her defend you after preaching hatred to your followers! Come on Biggie. This time you stooped too low. At this very moment you should rather be on your knees, praying for a better and united Botswana, not out and about preaching hatred.

I understand you are frustrated that you lost in the primary elections of your party, but moruti, what has happened to Grace? Is it not you who has preached about being Graceful and Thankful to the Lord even in defeat? (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Yes pastor, you taught us about handling defeat, advising that despite whatever else life dishes out on us, we should still thank God and allow Him to deploy us elsewhere.

Now look at you! I heard you moruti when you said SisiBoy is a criminal and a fraudster who has among other things robbed the Bank of Botswana and created a body-double of yourself to engage in some corrupt undertaking.

I have no facts to say for sure if you were telling the truth or just lying for political expediency – so I won’t go there. I am more concerned about the dishonesty you so blatantly displayed much to the disappointment of many of us who really wanted to clutch at anything to continue trusting your word and defending you as a principled man.

An honest man as I have thought of you should have been able to say these things about SisiBoy and his BDP when those things were happening. Or are you going to say they held a gun to your throat threatening the life out of you if you spoke of their corruption?

The honest and principled man that you are, why have you been quiet about such thievery all this time? Where were you when the likes of Moswaane and Polson told it like it is to the faces of both SisiBoy and Kgosikgolo? Those are the men we could perhaps give an ear if they spoke like you today. They have never hidden their feelings about the things done by the leadership. They never waited until they lost elections to start making their feelings known.

Wena I am worried we were never going to hear all these things from you had you won ka Bulela Ditswe. From the day you lost, you have been all over telling all sorts of stories relating to threats on your life, obviously to plant seeds of doubt on the character of the man you so openly hate today, Rre Masisi. All that talk of cows being pushed onto the road by police officers and the stories of six tyre bursts, you only reminded me of the trobled life the late Motswaledi lived. At the time, people said your idol Kgosikgolo was behind the mishaps, including the eventual demise of poor Sir-Gee. Now you are copying from that script and now claiming it is SisiBoy who is behind the tyre bursts? It is almost like someone is sending you to say out those things – someone haunted by some form of guilty conscience. It has become very difficult to trust anything you say Moruti. Imagine you even asked your gathering of constituents to help you decide if you should pull-out from politics and return to boruti. Who in their right mind will still find any inspiration in your teachings after you rallied the nation to hate its leader?

Kana by asking your followers to hate their leader you were almost asking your flock to hate God and follow Satan. No wonder a lot of people who reacted to your meeting called you Devil Incarnate.

You disappointed a lot of them moruti. They never expected such vile and lie from you. Most were angered and disappointed, including the opposition fanatics you were definitely trying to impress. They called you moruti-ka-lefitshwana and labelled you a diabolic makgorwane.

I tell you, not even Ndaba or Boko felt any feather of flatter at your mention that they are better leaders than SisiBoy. They simply saw you for who you are – an angry and bitter man who after being rejected by his own people suddenly opens up about the age-old corruption and evil he has been embracing, praising and defending while it served his interests.

The two gentlemen still have memories of how you used to say the UDC and other opposition leaders can’t take this country anywhere. Now that you are grieving over your numbered days mo letlepung, suddenly the opposition and its leaders are better than the BDP and SisiBoy whom in several expressions you labelled an undemocratic crook and a liar.

And yet wena in Masunga – through your MC – you made it clear you were not going to entertain any comment from the floor that attacks you. You call that ‘democratic’ pastor?

And here is the classic part – you asked for direction from your people, imploring them to decide if you should quit politics and return full time to boruti; or to join AP; or to join UDC; or to join – in your own words – a party formed by Khama.

A number of your people suggested you join AP like Peter Ngoma, giving reasons why it would not help the constituency and yourself if you went with Khama’s party. Ao moruti? Why were you taking your people through such a tedious exercise when you already knew you had registered, joined and written the constitution of the new Khama party?

Who can ever trust such deception – from a moruti for that matter? Kana the next day ke fa Khama a go tlontlolla jaanong when he informed people gore a few days earlier you and Guma had already indicated to him that you will be standing for elections under the new party which he, characteristically, also tried to give the impression he knew nothing about.

He would later sell himself away too, when he revealed the colours of the party by pointing to the jacket he was wearing. See the kind of leadership you want your people to follow moruti? A leadership that asks for Tsholofelo Hall and tell the Town Clerk that it is for a family gathering when you know it is for a political activity? Why lie? What is there to hide if indeed you are a body of honest people?

And you see now why I say you left me with little to defend you? The lies. Because even a few hours after your Masunga meeting, you were in Serowe telling people that you have registered a new party whose constitution you are still finalising. Overnight Moruti?

But then again, what should we have expected? Akere even your idol did just that – asking people to give him direction when he already knew what was cooking. Banna tlhe le fitlhetse Batswana! And how they can’t see through your ilk puzzles me.

Right now I am tempted to agree with those who say a new party would never have been formed had that Isaac Kgosi guy not been fired from DIS by SisiBoy and had SisiBoy made a Khama sibling Vice President.

Le wena I say we would not be seeing this melodrama from you had you won Bulela Ditswe. You see, I have no qualms with reasons given for your institutionalised hatred for SisiBoy – I just don’t trust the word of a man who speaks ill of his ex-girlfriend only because she dumped him; and when he never even uttered a bad thing while he was still joyfully sleeping with her. And this from a Pastor?

What desperation is this Moruti? Gore o bo o khubame le ka mangole tota? I think your excitement about rubbing shoulders with Kgosikgolo should be guarded with caution. I mean, everybody be talking Kgama Magic.

Naare magic wa teng oa hemisa? I mean, I saw some people who hail from Tlokweng, Lobatse, Jwaneng and even Gantsi saying Khama ke Kgosikgolo ya bone. Like really? And even more disturbing, everyone in Serowe, including my favourite Rosebae, kept saying where and when Khama dies, they will die with him. It got me thinking: what if Khama indeed dies tomorrow? God forbid! What will become of this new party?

Kana he is the soul and sole provider and his death will surely signal the sudden death of the political aspirations of all those reneging from common sense in his name – because you guys are just following him; not any political ideology. You and him only formed your movement for the sole purpose of removing SisiBoy from power – the new party is not even interested in taking over power or doing anything for Batswana. Top of its mandate is to see SisiBoy out of power. It would be interesting to see what you guys will do should SisiBoy stand up tomorrow to say he is stepping down from the presidency of the ruling party. Kana you will be left with no sense of purpose.

And you guys must please stop misleading Kgosikgolo by giving him the impression that he is doing what is right for this country – just because you have hope for a quick dash and return to Parley.

Many say he is using you guys to serve his bruised ego and to spite SisiBoy, but I also think you are all abusing him and using his lack of foresight for your political survival. You are all after his money and popularity. That’s why you have no shame telling people gore kana he is the most popular politician in the country. Try unpopular Moruti. And perhaps even confused. I mean, what is he saying? He will support UDC, launch you and Guma as BPF candidates and support some good BDP MPs? Banna tlhe le a re confusa. Imagine the poor old men and women you are continuing to tricking with lies and deceit – Modimo o tlaa le bona tlhe borra. Modimo ga se moshianyana. Stop misleading our old folk with your distorted facts borra. It is evil. I don’t care about the more intelligent ones who follow you – kana bone even as they see that yours is movement of the bitter, they have only found an easier platform to get back at their opponents within Domi, and they are only looking to benefit from the financial resources said to be falling from some western and South African merchants interested in the mineral and tourism resources of our country. And that Moruti, is wicked. We need peace in this country moruti, and these shenanigans you so strangely embrace and support are a recipe for civil strife. Lesang go dirisa mogolo botlhaswa banna! I hear he never listens but come on Moruti, the man needs your advice. Honest advice. Stop using and abusing him. E seng mo ngwaneng wa ga Ruta borra. E seng mo go Kgosikgolo.

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Batswana are talkative, yet silent in bed

Joe Brown




In last week’s installment, I wrote about how to move from sexual mediocrity to excellence by creating the right environment for sex.

I intimated that one needs music, clothes, bedding, lube and specific foods known as aphrodisiacs to create a good humping experience. Isn’t it shocking that even in the midst of such pleasantries, our women and men don’t testify of good sex?

Our women still lament the lack of sexual satisfaction even when they have sex with men that have got “6-packs” promising stamina and envied salaries. Our men leave their beautiful women with pretty faces, curvaceous bodies and run with perpetual strangers that know nothing about having good relationship curriculum vitae and are not “lover material” in search of good sex.

This situation leaves us fumbling and wondering what today’s men want. So serious is this sexual jigsaw puzzle that a fair share of our women’s populace has concluded that Batswana men are naturally “bitchy”and unloving. And this is exactly what some men say about our women.

More Batswana women want to be married by Caucasian men with some selecting Zambian, Zimbabwean, South African and even Nigerian men as dream lovers – and there’s nothing wrong with pursuing exotic taste.

Over the years, I have observed this issue in protracted silence until I noticed something very interesting about the way Batswana men have sex and why our women post ads that beg for a foreigner’s proposal.

Batswana are generally outspoken people. They are peace makers who believe that ntwakgolo ke ya molomo. Because Batswana are so consensual, they are often admired and looked upon as a non-violent nation, a peaceful people who cannot hurt a fly.

How is it that this peaceful reputation is not found in the bedrooms of most Batswana couples who often resort to divorce, cheating or sulking? Good question! The answer is silence.What? You heard me, the answer is silence.

Batswana are a talkative people and yet silent in bed. Batswana men have a problem keeping quiet in libraries and yet insist on silence during sex. Batswana don’t talk about how they prefer sex and don’t give any feedback concerning sex. Our women in particular avoid praising their men for excellent bonking when it happens.

Our men take offence if a woman comments negatively on their sexual performance or makes any improvement suggestion as if to suggest that sex to them is an intuitive thing that comes without communication. Life thrives on communication, and Batswana’s sexual lives will continue to be disastrous and lifeless until their mouths open.

And after years of silent sex, our men conclude that their women are boring and search for alternatives. “If you don’t talk about sex, it’s going to be difficult to make any improvement. And, you should be communicating about what you like just as much about what isn’t working, or what you are worried may not be working. If the sex is great, it shouldn’t be a touchy conversation area…” writes blogger Lea Rose Emery in her work “Seven Signs You’re Bad In Bed”

If the average Motswana is naturally a peace-loving and consensual person, then it means Batswana cease to be Batswana every time they engage in sex. If Batswana are a democratic nation with an international reputation of being so, how can a Motswana have “undemocratic” dictatorial sex?

How is it that Batswana have the tendency to have sex that is not mutually inclusive? I reiterate that Batswana are not Batswana when it comes to sex. If Batswana when in their bedrooms behaved like they do during the day, Botswana would be a nation of sexual satisfaction. Batswana would have so much knowledge on sex that comes from their natural inclination to be consensual and assertive.

As our men obsess themselves with penile increment adverts that flood the market and think they need powerful sexologists to give them sex hunger busting clues, I am worried that they don’t notice that an easy and affordable solution lies hidden within. Batswana have no sex schools where they can learn sex.

But they have a culture of openly conversing with each other. If only they continued talking into their bedrooms, our nation would become known for brilliant sex. Our families would be stable and divorce rates humiliated.

Batswana lovers especially women would express how they prefer to be kissed, sexed and what sex positions drive them crazy. They would give feedback which by the way is necessary for improvement instead of leaving their men guessing.

Not all Batswana don’t communicate during sex. There are men and women in our country who sex in a way that is of “international standard” but it’s rare to encounter them. In Botswana there are men who divorced women for openly voicing out their opinions on how to sex.

Some men literally rebuke their women, accuse them of infidelity and call them whores for opening up. These women who are bitter and sex-thirsty resort to “Ben-10s.” What they enjoy in these young men is fresh sexual energy which is devoid of communication.

As these young boys age, their erection deteriorates and they become exactly like the men our older women ran away from. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be humbled by opening up.

In any case to solve a problem, you at least have to know its cause. What is the reason why Batswana would rather be silent during sex when they have a reputation of being vocal even to the avoidance of war?

The answer to this question is something I discovered in South Africa last year while attending a couples’ retreat. Although the venue was South African, the attendants were entirely Batswana who sought to learn about enhancing their sex lives in a foreign land.

In that setting, after speaking extensively on sexual satisfaction and admonishing couples to talk before, during and after sex, one Motswana raised up his hand to express comic contention over this idea.

“I was taught not to eat while talking. O ja ka ofe o bua ka ofe?” he asked. We laughed almost to tears. And I added my opinion to guide the matter. Later on as I reminisced on that question and its significance in understanding our people, it dawned on me that Batswana liken sex to eating and apply the British dinner etiquette to their sex lives.

Whether we admit it or not, Batswana are British in so many aspects. The lunch we esteem made up of rice, coleslaw salad, beetroots and meat is a British meal. Our dream breakfast and tea drinking habits are all a British mentality. And as a typical former colony, we follow the footsteps of our mentors.

According to British dinner etiquette, one should refrain from talking while eating. Batswana men, view sex as “go ja motho,” hence such silence when they have sex.

One other British dinner etiquette rule is that if you happen not to enjoy a meal, it is very rude to tell the cook or chef that the meal sucks. This explains why Batswana shun sex session feedback!


K.A. Bareki is the author of Sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at


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