Dear Kgosi Kgama
Dumela Kgosikgolo! The message of your weekend meeting at the Serowe Show Grounds only reached me today and I am sorry to say I will not be able to make it. But I am happy to note that you are now making considerable steps towards taking your place as a Bamangwato Kgosikgolo and in the process doing away with these stressful and draining politics that have seen you lose your dignity and respect among a sizeable number of Batswana. Kana in politics anyone can say anything to anyone, and nobody cares if you have been an army general, president of a Kgosi. Ba go pagama fela jaaka ba batla, and there is usually little you can do about it. This is the reason I have never believed you could make it as a politician, because there, it’s everyman for himself and God for us all. Your right-hand man Guma Moyo recently captured it well when he said politics is a dirty game, and that if you find the kitchen too hot to handle, it is always best to quit. Please Kgosikgolo, as you gather the Bangwato from across the country this week, I pray that you tell them you are quitting not only the BDP but politics in general. No new party for you, no joining of any opposition party. This politics-thing is not your game Kgosikgolo and you are too big a personality to be allowing yourself to be made a holding platform of vile excretion from some who are even as young as would be your grandchildren had you been blessed to have some. Imagine if after handing over the presidential baton to SisiBoy you had receded into the background and avoided being as active as you have been in politics – you would still have your dignity intact, and the number of people according you utter respect would surely be higher than they are now. Over the past year, I have been saddened by the foul terms and expressions that were used to describe you – a thing that would never have happened had you gracefully retired out of active politics soon after leaving the presidency. You have been called all sorts of names and assigned all manner of descriptions – crybaby, dictator, powerhungry, warlord, spoilt Brit, vulture, rebel, selfish and most of all, bitter! That’s what people call you. Ba re oa tapeya – whatever that means. Kana days leading to your retirement as President, everyone held you in high regard, with especially Bangwato happy that you were finally coming back to Serowe to claim back what is rightfully yours. People at the time described you with beautiful words and expressions, almost always likening you to God Himself. It is for that reason everyone wanted to give you a goat or donkey where they couldn’t afford a cow or car. Everyday you received all manner of offerings that should have made you happy to go to your farm and relax in peace. Right now you could be taking from those collectives and giving back to your morafe in what has been understood to be your philanthropic nature. Now with your continued meddling in the politics of the BDP and the opposition, you have relegated yourself to a pitiable crybaby always seeking sympathy from the public, and always appearing like you have not gotten used to having someone else as your President. That’s why people say you are bitter and selfish. They say you are a self-centred man who just cannot accept it when a Head of State does not accede to what sometimes are unreasonable demands from you. You see Kgosikgolo, you should never have tried to be SisiBoy’s puppeteer. You should never have tried to make him do things only your way. You would have enjoyed your peace I tell you. Because you would never have had to live with the humiliation of being rejected on your demands. I know you all too well Kgosikgolo – you have never been one to be told No. You have never been one to allow anyone to tell you how to live your life although wena you had made it a habit to determine how people should live their lives. Now when SisiBoy wanted to remind you that he was The President and that you could not order him around, you took serious offence and you have since then vowed to make his life a living hell. Now you see, you have as a result spent all of your first retirement year expending all your energies on punishing SisiBoy. It has never been about SisiBoy being a bad person as you would want your people to believe nowadays. It is because from the very first time he refused to accede to your demands, you felt offended. You know from the bottom of your heart that SisiBoy is a great guy with good intensions, but your conduct towards him has turned him into the monster many see him to be. He has only had to react to what you were doing to him, and because you do not like to be defied, you continued putting more and more pressure on him, forcing him to fight back more and more. And now he indeed appears to be intolerant, even worse than you have ever been, because all he has ever had to do was to fight back with any form of might he could use. Just as the BDP created the monster in you, so have you aided in turning SisiBoy into the ruthless guy we see him to be today. Kana golo fale what did you say about him when you were going around the country parading him in front of Batswana as your trusted successor? Let me quote you verbatim Kgosikgolo: at one of your gatherings to bid Batswana farewell, this is what you said: “I will never stop or grow tired of thanking Masisi because he has been a rock by my side, someone I have always found extremely dependable. I have never ever, at one minute, regretted having made him my Vice President and you will never ever regret having him as your President.” These were your exact words to Batswana. And if now SisiBoy is the monster you suddenly want us to believe he is, Kgosikgolo, you are responsible in every way for his sudden change. Remember you imposed him on all of us, beginning at your party. Even when some did not think he deserved the presidency, you showed them that your decisions as President could not be challenged – a privilege you do not want to accord SisiBoy today. You harassed him from the very first month of his presidency, forcing him to fight back and eventually look like he is as dictatorial as you were. And it’s sad that when you often label him a dictator, you forget all of these – that you are the one who made him. In the end, you have caused among Batswana a division of loyalties. Because you see, you have thousands of these blind followers who have fanatically revered everything about you from as early as your army days when you could turn yourself into a housefly. These are the people who like you, would not even want to see, hear nor believe that anything bad that you do is actually bad. Even when you have been accused of extrajudicial killings of some citizens in the past, these fanatic followers of yours have defended you and justified what you did. Even the beer and clubbing lovers who were actually hurt by your cut on drinking hours defended your actions because as I intimated, they so love you blindly. When it comes to you, they neither see nor hear any evil. To them o mong wa mmu; mong wa lefatshe; and nothing negative about you is going to be true to them. I tell you even if you could shoot their relative dead, they would still defend your action. And there are many such people who so blindly follow you in Botswana right now, which makes it difficult for SisiBoy to be seen by everyone as the good-intensioned person that he is. And kana this SisiBoy chap has his own followers too – mostly the more sane and objective who tell him to his face when he does things wrong. The likes of Polson. I bet you might have been shocked just before the Kang congress when this Polson Majaga chap rallied people to vote for SisiBoy instead of your chosen candidate MmaV – because the same Majaga had been vocal in criticising SisiBoy whenever the President had derailed. And there are many such followers of SisiBoy around the country too. Which is why the nation is divided – your followers and his. And now here is the problem: his followers are insulting you. Your followers are insulting him. All manner of vile words are used to describe you two. But with him, it is understandable. He is just a commoner who really has no claim to royalty in the manner that you have. Wena you are Royalty and the incessant insults on you do not sit well with me and many others who think like me. Kana you are not a nobody Kgosikgolo. You are royalty and should be accorded that respect and honour. But for as long as you are going to continue meddling in political battles, you are going to lose the respect and dignity you deserve by birthright. They will not stop insuting you. So it is my prayer Kgosikgolo, that as you gather your subjects in Serowe this weekend, it will be to tell them you are finally leaving politics altogether, and that you are shifting to serving them from the Kgotla. That way, I tell you, you will get your dignity back. Everyone else will restore their respect for you. The insults will go. Politics is not for you MongWame. These political games will only drain you mentally. You have had your time in politics – you have gained a lot out of it. Now it is time for you to quit before you end up losing everything. I am actually encouraged by your recent snubbing of the BDP functions – it shows that you no longer want to be in politics. You didn’t attend the congress in Kang; neither did you attend their manifesto launch this past weekend. Why would you if you knew you wouldn’t even campaign for the manifesto? And the fact that you are calling Bangwato, it gives me hope that you are quitting this dirty game of lies and deceit to serve as Kgosikgolo only. While there, please don’t talk politics. I pray for that; I pray for your dignity. Just quit gracefully Mmabatho. Of course I remain curious what it is you now want to say or promise your people that you have failed to do in the ten years you had powers to make things happen. Botswana Television won’t cover the meeting I know, and so I will listen to you on one of the private radio stations. Adios Phuti!
IN DEFENCE OF BOFEPUSU ON ENDORSEMENT
I wish to commend and defend BOFEPUSU for taking the bold step not to endorse any of our political parties going into this year’s elections.
In fact, I read a lot in the union’s new stance not to endorse any party for this year’s general election. Remember in 2014 this mother body of the workers’ unions was very clear about wanting their members to vote for the UDC. This is because at the time, the biggest enemy to the workers was one Ian Khama who had in 2011 vowed he would never increase civil servants’ salaries no matter how many times the workers would strike. And Khama kept his word.
He never improved the working conditions of the civil servants. He kept his distance from the needs of the workers until he stepped down from being President. Khama literally bullied the workers and treated them with utter disdain. Yet he never had a problem when salary increases wanted by MPs in parliament benefitted him. Yes in the past he called MPs vultures when he was still Vice President and wanted voters to like him. Khama is at it again making himself look like a Messiah.
Today he goes around claiming he and his BPF party have answers to the plight of the workers. He is the one who even decreased the student allowances and now goes around claiming he would increase them once his BPF party and the UDC are elected into power. All along as state president, he never listened even to his cabinet ministers when they advised him on matters of national interest. He refused to increase old pension stipends and refused to increase student allowances. Now all of a sudden he claims he will increase all these? Obviously those leaders at BOFEPUSU are not fools. They have not forgotten how Khama treated them.
They at least see that President Masisi’s approach is a bit accommodating and that he is trying something than to flatly refuse as did his predecessor. And the union leaders do not trust Masisi either. They feel he is not showing enough commitment to the workers’ plight despite his promises that things will improve. But then again, the same union leaders can no longer trust the UDC because of the party’s association with Khama. Union leaders are smart people. They can read the dynamics on the ground. With the UDC teaming up with Khama this time around, there is no way the union leaders are going to be comfortable with a man who made the workers’ lives a living hell while handing millions of pula to his associates such as the former DIS boss.
The man literally arm twisted his cabinet and MPs into amending retired presidential benefits to enrich himself. He literally created a good lifestyle for himself and never cared about the workers. And now the UDC President Duma Boko is on record saying Khama should be forgiven all his atrocities. How do we expect the union leaders to trust Boko after all these that Khama has done? What deal does Boko and Khama have? As I say, union leaders are smart individuals with independent minds and analytical skills. So Boko can’t fool them by saying it is not Khama the UDC was fighting but the BDP. That is taking the workers and Batswana for granted. If it was about BDP and not Khama, why then did Boko repeatedly call for Khama and Isaac Kgosi’s prosecution? Was Kgosi even BDP? The unions can’t easily fall for a situation where Khama is going to be brought back into our lives again.
Remember Boko initially denied vehemently, that the UDC was in cahoots with Khama, until the truth came out later. Can he and the UDC be trusted again like they were trusted in 2014? It is for this reason that we should understand why it is difficult for BOFEPUSU to endorse the UDC again. And it is understandable why they also do not want to endorse Masisi and the BDP because they equally do not have enough assurances to trust him. The best is for the union leadership to do what they did – to remain neutral and let every worker decide on their own. It is only fair. We cannot therefore be slamming BOFEPUSU for refusing to take a stand.
The political party leaders have not done anything to convince the unions that they deserve their endorsement. So let every man fend for himself independent of the union’s stance. Besides, the union members as individuals are already aligned to various parties of their choice. Some were still going to defy the union’s stance. But it would have been an atrocity for the union to openly endorse any party associating with Khama, a man who literally bullied civil servants as president. So well done to BOFEPUSU for refusing to endorse anyone. A go iperekelweng.
Perfect partners do not exist, you will stay single forever
While everybody else is settling, getting married and getting laid, a sizable number of our lady friends remain alone because they seem to have standards which our men are not meeting. These women remain lonely and promise to stay put until somebody worth their value comes along. The sad part is: he ain’t coming, not now and not in the future.
Mothers to these children who seem decent, well-raised and mature to settle and yet aren’t settling, are worried. They secretly consult fortune tellers and even prophets to find out why their children aren’t finding anyone to make a family with. A conversation with such people who seem to be victims of women/men’s low ranking qualities proves something else. For many years I have met and conversed with such ladies and their problem was so simple to solve that they laughed upon discovering the real problem.
When a girl isn’t getting married and yet is threatening to be forty years, you will often find she talks about the man she wants and that she hasn’t found such and won’t settle for less. She describes this man as having to possess gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, nurturance, deference, aesthetic passion, and succorance. She needs a man who can chat a lot and ask her how her work has been and be as sensitive as a digital thermometer.
But such qualities are the qualities of a woman and not a man. In short, the high standards some women have in their search for men aren’t high standards, they are simply irrelevant standards: standards for women. And because it isn’t easy to find a man who behaves just like a woman, these women won’t be finding suitors for a long long time. They will wait and live on one night stands or celibacy for a long time. A good number of women don’t notice that men are different from women in a lot of ways. They think men are just a woman version that has beards and a hoarse voice.
I once listened to Beyonce’s song – If I was a boy – which talks about what she would do if she were a boy. Most of the things she talks about are so girly that it’s not hard to realize that even Beyonce, the iconic woman, has a problem understanding that no boy fits her imaginations.
John Gray in his book, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and Steve Harvey in his book, ‘Think like a man, act like a lady,’ did a great job showing women what men are like. I guess it’s always going to be better hearing men describe what a man is like. For a woman who confuses the two, let me help you to understand the difference between a man and a woman. Although that might sound too obvious if not silly, this is helpful in stopping you from the frustrating act of looking for women standards in men. While women obsess so much about appearance, men care less how they look and will do hairstyles that are as simple as shaving off hair. On the contrary, men care a lot about a woman’s looks and will keep a woman for her “hotness.” Women believe that cleaning dishes is a priority and a kitchen mess has to be cleaned by someone, but men place much importance on washing cars.
While a man pays attention to what someone says, a woman normally pays attention to the way a person speaks, particularly their attitude. Men laugh when they find something to be funny but a woman will only laugh if she thinks her environment allows it and its appropriate. Women have a larger hippocampus. This is where we store memories. This is why women can recall every single word of an argument from 5 years ago while men struggle to remember things that happened 5 days ago. “Women will tend to want to interact with colleagues after a stressful meeting or interact with family, friends, and relatives at the end of a busy day. These activities help women produce oxytocin, increase relaxation, and relieve stress, which in itself produces even more oxytocin, a critical stress-reducing hormone.” – Annis & Nesbitt.
“After a long stressful meeting or at the end of a busy day, men tend to want to shut down and drift off – close off the world for a little while. Men tend to retreat and seek solitude or engage in some low-involvement activity, such as watching the news or sports, or working on a small project. It’s a natural tendency in a man to “turn off” to replenish testosterone, and that releases his stress, relaxes, and re-energizes him.” – Annis & Nesbitt. Men and women are so different that those looking for a man with the qualities of woman won’t find such. There are men who won’t marry because the standards they have set of a woman they want are men’s standards.
They want someone who doesn’t worry a lot and is bold and brave and says less. Women have a larger anterior cortex, which means they spend more time ruminating, trying to process emotions and worrying. Women have higher rates of anxiety than men. Researchers think this might come down to the highly sensitized female anterior cortex. Naturally, it’s easy frightening a woman than a man. When my two kids arrive from school I usually hide in the house to frighten them and laugh at the whole panic thing – I am that immature sometimes. My daughter normally panics more than my son. It’s normal and I laugh a lot.
So I imagine a woman who won’t settle because she accuses guys of not being open, nurturing, sociable and hygienic. Since when have guys beaten women on issues of hygiene? Recently in South Africa, a young guy found himself confused after he fell in love with a girl because he felt the girl behaved like a guy and said that he has always wanted a girl who behaves like a guy. Women often behave like guys and that’s for about two minutes. So this guy fell in love with this girl and when the girl began to behave girly, the relationship broke apart and the guy confessed that he prefers dating boys. Boys will be boys and it’s unfair to expect boy standards from girls.
An online magazine known as Business Insider mentions that “Women’s expectations of the opposite sex are at least as unrealistic as men’s.” Now I don’t know about you but every time I ask women what they want from a man, I find they are talking about a woman. I ask a guy what he wants and he talks about sex all the time. A real woman is not going to have sex all the time or make it her first priority, so unaware, this guy is talking about another man.
Note that you’re having unrealistic standards if: You reject a decent person for no apparent reason, talking about ‘he is not my type.’
Talk about how there are no good women or men
A relationship with you needs serious qualifications
Most of the people you rate as good lovers are celebrities
You expect a guy or girl to love what you love
You fantasize about a perfect guy in a world of imperfect people
If you have the above tendencies, unless you stop, you will die alone or never get laid and enjoy sex & intimacy.
Kindly open your eyes to the fact that if you are not perfect, it is unreasonable to expect a perfect lover. When setting your standards, at least care enough to expect manly things from a man instead of expecting a man to behave like a woman.
You should find a man and let your lady friends do some of the things you were expecting from him especially in line with social interactivity.
Your prospects for getting love have been thrown under the bus if your fantasy guy has been in your head since your pre-teen pop-star crush days. “You’ve always loved building these bubbly fantasy lands in your head that you can run away too.
There is nothing wrong with that if you are grounded enough to realize that these are just fantasies, not reality. You will find a guy one day, but if you are banking on him being exactly like your trophy fantasy guy, then you’re making the already tough game of dating a lot harder for yourself. That’s because real humans have flaws, rough edges, and imperfections, but that’s what makes people so unique, special and fun to get to know. Since you are so focused on finding that guy who is different and special, then why not start by breaking outside the fantasy a little bit? Trust me, you will be surprised,” writes Michelle in 15 signs you’re too picky.
K.A. Bareki is the author of Sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
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