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When dealing with Kgosikgolo, tread with care

Joe Brown

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Dear Comrade Duma

Your Comradeship, I write to you with a deep sense of discomfort regarding the latest tidings emerging from the Gammangwato capital – more specifically that circus event aptly staged at the Showgrounds of Goo Konyana ward in Serowe.

I am aware that apart from your congested schedule of star rallies to plan and to attend, you also have taxing engagements that should eventually see you reunite with your two beautiful flying machines grounded recently by some jealous mongers.

But I ask that you give me audience for just these 5 minutes before you can resume with your tight schedule. You see Comrade, I grew up admiring everything that you are – your contagious eloquence; your unique dress sense; your caustic wit; your orgasmic looks… and every other compelling trait about the enigma that you are.

The only thing I ever disliked about you Comrade was your penchant for exposing my comprehension deficiencies whenever you addressed meetings and you communicated in this bookish language I often found confoundedly obscure, tortuous, loquacious and aggravatingly verbose.

Oops, pardon me if I begin to sound like you Comrade – this train of diterme is not my style. I am one to communicate in very simple and easily understandable language.

The thing is, I sometimes left that Mmadikolo’s Student Union Hall having grasped very little of what you, my SRC president of the time, would have said to us in those student body meetings.

It never made sense to me why you spoke like that, using a string of intimidating words that always left us all bewildered and bemused. But I have to say, you are still a great man and my admiration of you actually grew stronger when you successfully managed to trudge through that rubble of the BNF shenanigans strewn across the political plains to frustrate you out of the party.

More admiration followed when you further showed astute leadership through the turmoil that despite all else, eventually gave birth to The People’s Project – the UDC. What a dream you, Motswaledi, Ndaba and significant others had for the nation then!

I actually miss that euphoria you and Ndaba occasioned in 2014, giving us all hope that the treacherous Kgosikgolo’s regime as you labelled it at the time, would be a thing of the past.

It’s a pity Dumelang and his lime loyalists betrayed the struggle then, allowing the loathed Kgamaniacs to continue to this day. Looking back to that wasted opportunity with a sense of regret and anger towards the lime troops, I sit here wondering what would have become of this country over the last five years.

Kana right now I would surely be addressing you as His Excellency President Duma Gideon Boko, chanting the Ha e duma ea dumalana slogan and also singing along the Indaba yami I’striaght jingle.

Dums o kile a re bolaa Comrade, but I am glad he has finally come back to his senses and has joined hands in the struggle. My only worry now is that while you did well to coax Dums back under the umbrella, you have since spat Ndaba out of the attendant shade of hope.

I have said it before Comrade that in dumping Ndaba you have made a huge blunder, for here was a guy who together with his lieutenants complemented your every political being so well you were assured of a stint at the State House this time around, especially with Dums also back in the fray.

Obviously Dumelang brings with him the numerical strength that should surely bolster your chances of waltzing towards the First Residence, but this would have been even more potent had the People’s Project remained intact in the form that it was in 2014.

Truth be told, this Dumelang chap and his loyalists remain your undeniable trump card towards the fruition of your presidential ambition.

He is smart, dignified, intelligent and commands a lot of respect although he nearly squandered it all when he recently goofed with his remarks that suggested that Diploma-holding teachers who went to expensive basic education schools are underachievers.

Your decision to rather side with him than Ndaba was a wise move as the numbers he commands are by far superior. Yet, as I earlier intimated, I wish the likes of Ndaba, Mangole, Mmolotsi, Butale and others, were still a part of the People’s Project.

But then again, we can’t go on and on crying over spilt milk, can we? We have to focus on the present and the future. Which is where I want to air my discomfort, especially given the outcome of the Konyana ward meeting and the attendant social dialogue that to me suggests you could be compromised.

Please Comrade, I hear Kgosikgolo told the Showground gathering that he would rather Bangwato vote for you than cast their votes towards SisiBoy’s retention of the presidency.

Good for the UDC but Boy, I wish you tread with care. Forget the notion that in politics there are no permanent enemies – this notion I tell you does not apply with everyone.

There are just some enemies you can’t even think can any day become your friends unless they do so to use and dump you when you are no longer of any use to them.

Several times I have watched the Tom and Jerry tales. The only time Tom goes into a pact with Jerry is when they are temporarily plotting against a common enemy, but as soon as Tom has gotten what he wants, he quickly resorts to fighting to devour Jerry at all costs. The legendary feud resumes as soon as the common enemy is defeated.

So Comrade, if you are going to be tempted into this desperately conjured-up bromance, just ensure that you do not end up on the losing side.

Already I hear talk of someone borrowing your flying machines and I know the trick to use you has already begun in earnest. They say a leopard never changes its spots Comrade, and I dare add that I have never heard of a vulture trading its wings.

My darling MmaV ignored me when I warned her against allowing herself to be similarly used, believing that in The Big Chief she had everything under control. Owai, kae re ye teng?

As soon as it became clear that she was not going to deliver as was hoped, she was left in the lurch. So Comrade, please, if you are to take up this dangled carrot of a pact with Kgosikgolo, at least ensure you are the Tom, not the Jerry. Make sure you have calculated well enough to emerge on top. And I trust you to be capable of pulling that one off.

After all you have easily done so with the BMD. After they helped elevate you and the BNF to the summit of political utopia, you spat them out without flinching, and now I see you are about to bury the repulsive sputum with the sandy particles of that August court case that you believe will leave them licking the wounds from your calculated bite that also includes the patenting of the UDC symbol.

I know that even recently you also tried to rope in Ndaba and his crew for their numbers, although they proved to be too smart for your grand scheme of ballooning your numbers towards State Presidency. At least the lime ones bone are already in the bag after their futile resistance of 2014 – they will be aiding you to the Presidency this time; but now it is time to hit the royal masterstroke.

Be as cunning as any politician out there. Embrace Kgosikgolo’s foxy bromance proposal and beat him at his game. Just pretend you do not know that his is just a self-serving move, and while the iron is hot, strike Comrade. He surely has a large following of infatuated fanatics who will easily do as he says. Remember what a silver-tongued royal figure he is – always having them eat from the palm of his hand.

You can surely do with such heavenly sent fortune, Comrade. Don’t listen to these bitter guys tsa Madongwana who want to play the guilt-trip on you by accusing you of embracing the very man you despised and vilified with all your might while he was BDP President. Ignore them.

Take his money as well as the numbers he commands and add to those from the lime movement to ascend to being State President. Once you have got the crown, quickly dump him and move on as if nothing has happened.

In fact, after using his numbers, proceed to prosecute him as you have vehemently promised all these years. After all you would not be the first politician to trick and dump him. SisiBoy has the template. So has that Kgoboko guy wa Bobonong.

You will neither be the first politician to use someone and dump them when they are no longer of any use to you. Kgosikgolo himself has the blueprint on how to do that. It is called survival of the smartest, Comrade.

What I do not want to see is him using you and dumping you when you are no longer useful to him. He has mastered the art of doing that with others Comrade, and the reason I say I am not comfortable with you working with him, I fear he might do away with you before you blink.

More than anything else Comrade, it is his desperation to remove SisiBoy that does not sit well with me. So much that he can say anything. Imagine he was even telling Bangwato that you have all these years been his chief advisor when rona we know you have always been condemning everything that he is!

He even told the Showground gathering that you have always praised him as a great leader when we know you have always likened him to all the African dictators combined. See what desperation can do Comrade?

Imagine what he can say about you to the public should you go on and continue meeting him as I hear you secretly do sometimes. The next thing you are going to anger those who loved the UDC and looked up to you to make them forget the repressive tendencies of his party.

You will be seen as condoning his leadership style and this may confuse those who decamped from Domi to Moono purely because of him. You might lose them Comrade. So tread with care.

It’s a delicate thing I know, having to balance between amassing his thousands of fanatics and losing the thousands who have not wanted him all these years. Gape you should remember that he does not really care about the welfare of the nation as you claim to do – ene he only wants Masisi out.

That is his sole project, and he will ensure Masisi is vanquished at all costs; by hook or by crook, and I wonder what you aim to be – the crook or the hook? Whatever role you will play in his quest to vanquish SisiBoy, be careful not to be used Comrade. Don’t be that desperate for power.

Once SisiBoy is out, you and the UDC will no longer be of any use to Kgosikgolo, and he might turn on you the same way he is doing on SisiBoy after the state president refused to be his puppet and threatened to prosecute those linked to corruption. And remember – he has labelled you ‘useless and toothless’ before, and what will stop him from continuing that narrative in future, saying there was no way you could ascend to the state presidential throne without him? So be careful Comrade.

All I ever want is for you to have an untainted path to the State House – no strings attached. We want to see you walk there with your head held high – with the confidence of the peacock that you are.

Yes Comrade, you have several peacock tendencies – very assured, proud, showy, astute, colourful, handsome, extravagant, haughty and overly imposing. And that is the new leader we want for BW – a president with swag but with no link to corrupt and self-serving elements.

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Stop abusing Kgosikgolo borra – e seng mo ngwaneng!

Joe Brown

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Dear Pastor Biggie

I hope this brief finds you in a relatively stable state of mind my dear pastor. Having been one of the few people in politics whom I have had the bravery to defend as a genuinely caring and honest man, I must admit that over the past few days you left me defendless and helpless as those who differed with me on you in the past, came raining down on me with a barrage of ‘we-told-you-so’ artillery.

You see, these are the people I have on many occasions told that along with Ndaba and Robert, you are one of the few politicians I could risk a vote of confidence for being honest and principled.

In a lot of my past letters to the likes of Dlodlo, Gladiator, SisiBoy and Kgosikgolo, I have parroted the notion that politicians are self-serving and dishonest people who just care about what matters to only themselves while cunningly perpetuating a picture of caring, loving and selfless Good Samaritans.

Yet I have included you in my four-man list of those I could cite as an exception. You see, I still remember how you stood a lone ranger in Parley going against Kgosikgolo’s sentiments and those of his erstwhile party when you fought for the monumental recognition of the late Motswaledi and others.

Whenever people labelled you ‘moruti-ka-lefitshwana’I was always the first to defend you – demanding proof that indeed you were as dishonest as they said you were. I never accepted anything that suggested that you were as cunning and self-serving as other politicians.

But these past eventful weeks you proved me wrong Moruti Butale. You left me cowing in shame and unable to face my friends about you. You proved to be a disgrace to anything you have always claimed to be. That Friday I listened to your vitriol and felt so ashamed to call you my pastor. Moruti, all you did in Masunga two weeks back was to expose yourself as just another self-serving political fraudster who even used God’s name to preach hatred, regionalism and tribalism.

You should be ashamed of yourself Pastor. Before your meeting, I had read somewhere in a newspaper that you were hellbent on saying and doing anything to ensure people get to hate SisiBoy at whatever cost. Ao rra? Kana I didn’t believe the contents of that article. I thought, Nnyaa ba akela moruti. No moruti reacts this way to anything.

And to even drag your dear wife into such witchery – making her defend you after preaching hatred to your followers! Come on Biggie. This time you stooped too low. At this very moment you should rather be on your knees, praying for a better and united Botswana, not out and about preaching hatred.

I understand you are frustrated that you lost in the primary elections of your party, but moruti, what has happened to Grace? Is it not you who has preached about being Graceful and Thankful to the Lord even in defeat? (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Yes pastor, you taught us about handling defeat, advising that despite whatever else life dishes out on us, we should still thank God and allow Him to deploy us elsewhere.

Now look at you! I heard you moruti when you said SisiBoy is a criminal and a fraudster who has among other things robbed the Bank of Botswana and created a body-double of yourself to engage in some corrupt undertaking.

I have no facts to say for sure if you were telling the truth or just lying for political expediency – so I won’t go there. I am more concerned about the dishonesty you so blatantly displayed much to the disappointment of many of us who really wanted to clutch at anything to continue trusting your word and defending you as a principled man.

An honest man as I have thought of you should have been able to say these things about SisiBoy and his BDP when those things were happening. Or are you going to say they held a gun to your throat threatening the life out of you if you spoke of their corruption?

The honest and principled man that you are, why have you been quiet about such thievery all this time? Where were you when the likes of Moswaane and Polson told it like it is to the faces of both SisiBoy and Kgosikgolo? Those are the men we could perhaps give an ear if they spoke like you today. They have never hidden their feelings about the things done by the leadership. They never waited until they lost elections to start making their feelings known.

Wena I am worried we were never going to hear all these things from you had you won ka Bulela Ditswe. From the day you lost, you have been all over telling all sorts of stories relating to threats on your life, obviously to plant seeds of doubt on the character of the man you so openly hate today, Rre Masisi. All that talk of cows being pushed onto the road by police officers and the stories of six tyre bursts, you only reminded me of the trobled life the late Motswaledi lived. At the time, people said your idol Kgosikgolo was behind the mishaps, including the eventual demise of poor Sir-Gee. Now you are copying from that script and now claiming it is SisiBoy who is behind the tyre bursts? It is almost like someone is sending you to say out those things – someone haunted by some form of guilty conscience. It has become very difficult to trust anything you say Moruti. Imagine you even asked your gathering of constituents to help you decide if you should pull-out from politics and return to boruti. Who in their right mind will still find any inspiration in your teachings after you rallied the nation to hate its leader?

Kana by asking your followers to hate their leader you were almost asking your flock to hate God and follow Satan. No wonder a lot of people who reacted to your meeting called you Devil Incarnate.

You disappointed a lot of them moruti. They never expected such vile and lie from you. Most were angered and disappointed, including the opposition fanatics you were definitely trying to impress. They called you moruti-ka-lefitshwana and labelled you a diabolic makgorwane.

I tell you, not even Ndaba or Boko felt any feather of flatter at your mention that they are better leaders than SisiBoy. They simply saw you for who you are – an angry and bitter man who after being rejected by his own people suddenly opens up about the age-old corruption and evil he has been embracing, praising and defending while it served his interests.

The two gentlemen still have memories of how you used to say the UDC and other opposition leaders can’t take this country anywhere. Now that you are grieving over your numbered days mo letlepung, suddenly the opposition and its leaders are better than the BDP and SisiBoy whom in several expressions you labelled an undemocratic crook and a liar.

And yet wena in Masunga – through your MC – you made it clear you were not going to entertain any comment from the floor that attacks you. You call that ‘democratic’ pastor?

And here is the classic part – you asked for direction from your people, imploring them to decide if you should quit politics and return full time to boruti; or to join AP; or to join UDC; or to join – in your own words – a party formed by Khama.

A number of your people suggested you join AP like Peter Ngoma, giving reasons why it would not help the constituency and yourself if you went with Khama’s party. Ao moruti? Why were you taking your people through such a tedious exercise when you already knew you had registered, joined and written the constitution of the new Khama party?

Who can ever trust such deception – from a moruti for that matter? Kana the next day ke fa Khama a go tlontlolla jaanong when he informed people gore a few days earlier you and Guma had already indicated to him that you will be standing for elections under the new party which he, characteristically, also tried to give the impression he knew nothing about.

He would later sell himself away too, when he revealed the colours of the party by pointing to the jacket he was wearing. See the kind of leadership you want your people to follow moruti? A leadership that asks for Tsholofelo Hall and tell the Town Clerk that it is for a family gathering when you know it is for a political activity? Why lie? What is there to hide if indeed you are a body of honest people?

And you see now why I say you left me with little to defend you? The lies. Because even a few hours after your Masunga meeting, you were in Serowe telling people that you have registered a new party whose constitution you are still finalising. Overnight Moruti?

But then again, what should we have expected? Akere even your idol did just that – asking people to give him direction when he already knew what was cooking. Banna tlhe le fitlhetse Batswana! And how they can’t see through your ilk puzzles me.

Right now I am tempted to agree with those who say a new party would never have been formed had that Isaac Kgosi guy not been fired from DIS by SisiBoy and had SisiBoy made a Khama sibling Vice President.

Le wena I say we would not be seeing this melodrama from you had you won Bulela Ditswe. You see, I have no qualms with reasons given for your institutionalised hatred for SisiBoy – I just don’t trust the word of a man who speaks ill of his ex-girlfriend only because she dumped him; and when he never even uttered a bad thing while he was still joyfully sleeping with her. And this from a Pastor?

What desperation is this Moruti? Gore o bo o khubame le ka mangole tota? I think your excitement about rubbing shoulders with Kgosikgolo should be guarded with caution. I mean, everybody be talking Kgama Magic.

Naare magic wa teng oa hemisa? I mean, I saw some people who hail from Tlokweng, Lobatse, Jwaneng and even Gantsi saying Khama ke Kgosikgolo ya bone. Like really? And even more disturbing, everyone in Serowe, including my favourite Rosebae, kept saying where and when Khama dies, they will die with him. It got me thinking: what if Khama indeed dies tomorrow? God forbid! What will become of this new party?

Kana he is the soul and sole provider and his death will surely signal the sudden death of the political aspirations of all those reneging from common sense in his name – because you guys are just following him; not any political ideology. You and him only formed your movement for the sole purpose of removing SisiBoy from power – the new party is not even interested in taking over power or doing anything for Batswana. Top of its mandate is to see SisiBoy out of power. It would be interesting to see what you guys will do should SisiBoy stand up tomorrow to say he is stepping down from the presidency of the ruling party. Kana you will be left with no sense of purpose.

And you guys must please stop misleading Kgosikgolo by giving him the impression that he is doing what is right for this country – just because you have hope for a quick dash and return to Parley.

Many say he is using you guys to serve his bruised ego and to spite SisiBoy, but I also think you are all abusing him and using his lack of foresight for your political survival. You are all after his money and popularity. That’s why you have no shame telling people gore kana he is the most popular politician in the country. Try unpopular Moruti. And perhaps even confused. I mean, what is he saying? He will support UDC, launch you and Guma as BPF candidates and support some good BDP MPs? Banna tlhe le a re confusa. Imagine the poor old men and women you are continuing to tricking with lies and deceit – Modimo o tlaa le bona tlhe borra. Modimo ga se moshianyana. Stop misleading our old folk with your distorted facts borra. It is evil. I don’t care about the more intelligent ones who follow you – kana bone even as they see that yours is movement of the bitter, they have only found an easier platform to get back at their opponents within Domi, and they are only looking to benefit from the financial resources said to be falling from some western and South African merchants interested in the mineral and tourism resources of our country. And that Moruti, is wicked. We need peace in this country moruti, and these shenanigans you so strangely embrace and support are a recipe for civil strife. Lesang go dirisa mogolo botlhaswa banna! I hear he never listens but come on Moruti, the man needs your advice. Honest advice. Stop using and abusing him. E seng mo ngwaneng wa ga Ruta borra. E seng mo go Kgosikgolo.

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Batswana are talkative, yet silent in bed

Joe Brown

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BY K.A. BAREKI

In last week’s installment, I wrote about how to move from sexual mediocrity to excellence by creating the right environment for sex.

I intimated that one needs music, clothes, bedding, lube and specific foods known as aphrodisiacs to create a good humping experience. Isn’t it shocking that even in the midst of such pleasantries, our women and men don’t testify of good sex?

Our women still lament the lack of sexual satisfaction even when they have sex with men that have got “6-packs” promising stamina and envied salaries. Our men leave their beautiful women with pretty faces, curvaceous bodies and run with perpetual strangers that know nothing about having good relationship curriculum vitae and are not “lover material” in search of good sex.

This situation leaves us fumbling and wondering what today’s men want. So serious is this sexual jigsaw puzzle that a fair share of our women’s populace has concluded that Batswana men are naturally “bitchy”and unloving. And this is exactly what some men say about our women.

More Batswana women want to be married by Caucasian men with some selecting Zambian, Zimbabwean, South African and even Nigerian men as dream lovers – and there’s nothing wrong with pursuing exotic taste.

Over the years, I have observed this issue in protracted silence until I noticed something very interesting about the way Batswana men have sex and why our women post ads that beg for a foreigner’s proposal.

Batswana are generally outspoken people. They are peace makers who believe that ntwakgolo ke ya molomo. Because Batswana are so consensual, they are often admired and looked upon as a non-violent nation, a peaceful people who cannot hurt a fly.

How is it that this peaceful reputation is not found in the bedrooms of most Batswana couples who often resort to divorce, cheating or sulking? Good question! The answer is silence.What? You heard me, the answer is silence.

Batswana are a talkative people and yet silent in bed. Batswana men have a problem keeping quiet in libraries and yet insist on silence during sex. Batswana don’t talk about how they prefer sex and don’t give any feedback concerning sex. Our women in particular avoid praising their men for excellent bonking when it happens.

Our men take offence if a woman comments negatively on their sexual performance or makes any improvement suggestion as if to suggest that sex to them is an intuitive thing that comes without communication. Life thrives on communication, and Batswana’s sexual lives will continue to be disastrous and lifeless until their mouths open.

And after years of silent sex, our men conclude that their women are boring and search for alternatives. “If you don’t talk about sex, it’s going to be difficult to make any improvement. And, you should be communicating about what you like just as much about what isn’t working, or what you are worried may not be working. If the sex is great, it shouldn’t be a touchy conversation area…” writes blogger Lea Rose Emery in her work “Seven Signs You’re Bad In Bed”

If the average Motswana is naturally a peace-loving and consensual person, then it means Batswana cease to be Batswana every time they engage in sex. If Batswana are a democratic nation with an international reputation of being so, how can a Motswana have “undemocratic” dictatorial sex?

How is it that Batswana have the tendency to have sex that is not mutually inclusive? I reiterate that Batswana are not Batswana when it comes to sex. If Batswana when in their bedrooms behaved like they do during the day, Botswana would be a nation of sexual satisfaction. Batswana would have so much knowledge on sex that comes from their natural inclination to be consensual and assertive.

As our men obsess themselves with penile increment adverts that flood the market and think they need powerful sexologists to give them sex hunger busting clues, I am worried that they don’t notice that an easy and affordable solution lies hidden within. Batswana have no sex schools where they can learn sex.

But they have a culture of openly conversing with each other. If only they continued talking into their bedrooms, our nation would become known for brilliant sex. Our families would be stable and divorce rates humiliated.

Batswana lovers especially women would express how they prefer to be kissed, sexed and what sex positions drive them crazy. They would give feedback which by the way is necessary for improvement instead of leaving their men guessing.

Not all Batswana don’t communicate during sex. There are men and women in our country who sex in a way that is of “international standard” but it’s rare to encounter them. In Botswana there are men who divorced women for openly voicing out their opinions on how to sex.

Some men literally rebuke their women, accuse them of infidelity and call them whores for opening up. These women who are bitter and sex-thirsty resort to “Ben-10s.” What they enjoy in these young men is fresh sexual energy which is devoid of communication.

As these young boys age, their erection deteriorates and they become exactly like the men our older women ran away from. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be humbled by opening up.

In any case to solve a problem, you at least have to know its cause. What is the reason why Batswana would rather be silent during sex when they have a reputation of being vocal even to the avoidance of war?

The answer to this question is something I discovered in South Africa last year while attending a couples’ retreat. Although the venue was South African, the attendants were entirely Batswana who sought to learn about enhancing their sex lives in a foreign land.

In that setting, after speaking extensively on sexual satisfaction and admonishing couples to talk before, during and after sex, one Motswana raised up his hand to express comic contention over this idea.

“I was taught not to eat while talking. O ja ka ofe o bua ka ofe?” he asked. We laughed almost to tears. And I added my opinion to guide the matter. Later on as I reminisced on that question and its significance in understanding our people, it dawned on me that Batswana liken sex to eating and apply the British dinner etiquette to their sex lives.

Whether we admit it or not, Batswana are British in so many aspects. The lunch we esteem made up of rice, coleslaw salad, beetroots and meat is a British meal. Our dream breakfast and tea drinking habits are all a British mentality. And as a typical former colony, we follow the footsteps of our mentors.

According to British dinner etiquette, one should refrain from talking while eating. Batswana men, view sex as “go ja motho,” hence such silence when they have sex.

One other British dinner etiquette rule is that if you happen not to enjoy a meal, it is very rude to tell the cook or chef that the meal sucks. This explains why Batswana shun sex session feedback!

 

K.A. Bareki is the author of Sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at ansonpub@gmail.com

 

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