Recently I suffered accusations of bringing our nation into disrepute when I stated that “Batswana are bad at sex.” My sentiments were shared in The Midweek Sun from an interview they did with me at a writers’ workshop in Kanye.
This baptism of accusations came from natives who wondered where I got the audacity to appoint myself a national sex judge. It is of no surprise to me because human beings are intrinsically defensive and often do little to no self-introspection.
What shocked me were those Batswana who blatantly admitted that Batswana have no history, culture or education from which they can derive sexual excellence let alone claim it. After years of speaking, writing about sex and dealing with sexual issues on Botswana’s romantic landscape, I couldn’t agree more.
If anything, I feel unapologetic about the infamous “Batswana are bad at sex” statement. To start with, Botswana is not ranked among countries that can be associated with sexual satisfaction. The Top 10 Most Sexually Satisfied Countries are Nigeria 67%, Mexico 63%, India 61%, Poland 54%, Greece 51%, Holland 50%, South Africa 50%, Spain 49%, Canada 48% and USA 48%.
By sexual satisfaction we mean free from stress, ability to orgasm, free from sexual dysfunction, frequency of sex and foreplay. In my humble view, Botswana is more concerned about conducting an HIV/AIDS survey or preventing transmission of the same than topping global charts of sexual satisfaction.
As a result, the average Motswana is knowledgeable on using a condom than on foreplay or tackling erectile dysfunction. In various interviews I conducted randomly across the country, only 10% of Botswana’s women admitted being sexually satisfied.
In a rare instance, 57 women out of 300 admitted that their men were satisfactory in doing hanky-panky. That’s basically 19% which is still nothing to write home about. This below mediocre performance is also admitted by our men who lament that Batswana women are inactive in bed and seem clueless about being sexually savvy.
You don’t have to take my word for it. Botswana’s sexual satisfaction record is reflected in heightening divorces, sexual harassment and the growing prostitution industry which thrives on sex hunger. These problems express and should bring us to admit the fact that concerning sex, Batswana are naïve, hungry and frustrated.
I have also dealt with sex issues that came my way by virtue of being the author of “Sex and Intimacy 101,” a best selling book that has done 10, 000 copies in Botswana.
The issues reported by lovers concerning sexual dissatisfaction express deep-seated problems in our society. Providing condoms and ARVs is a good effort, while ignoring to deal with sexual dissatisfaction in Botswana is self-defeating and regressive because sexual diseases thrive on sexual hunger. It’s a song I have sung for too long without being heard by policy makers.
Despite our country’s projected underperformance in attaining a decent sexual satisfaction record, sex continues to be more pivotal to life than we can possibly imagine. Research shows that sex prevents the spread of prostate cancer in men, and breast cancer in women if breast sucking and massaging are done during foreplay.
Women who avoid sex reach menopause early. Sex is cardiac exercise and a calorie burner. It’s an emotional intelligence tool in the sense that it enhances mood, thus keeping lovers jovial and patriotic to each other. The stress relieving aspect of sex implies that a society devoid of sexual enjoyment is stressed and full of conflicts and quarrels.
That’s more work for our judges, physiologists and psychiatrists. It makes logical sense that a nation that is deprived of sexual satisfaction has high medical bills, overworked social workers who spend time dealing with sexual conundrums masqueraded as social problems.
It’s more work for our priests who have to deal with a deteriorating moral landscape and while at it, are often caught up in name wrecking sexual scandals leaving us in utter shock and authenticity doubt.
To prevent this grotesque reality from continuing to manifest, I will share some snippets from my bestselling book, “Sex and Intimacy 101” which is written primarily to promote sexual enjoyment.
Firstly, it is very important to understand the opposite sex. If you are going to satisfy a woman sexually you have to take time to study and understand her biological, social, psychological and even physiological makeup and vice versa.
The problem with our men is that they have sex with women while having done no home work in studying and understanding women. This is the main reason for dismal performance in bed.
Secondly, sexual enjoyment demands that we create a proper environment for sex. This includes bedding, sex furniture, lubricants, toys, clothes and even music. Playing that Westlife song as you hump creates an environment comparable to listening to house/rave music as you hit the gym.
Imagine exercising in a gym that is as silent as a library. How in the world do some lovers make love without music? In my book “Sex and Intimacy 101,” I explain how creating the right sexual environment is vital in the pursuit of sexual enjoyment.
After one has created the right environment, it is important to give considerable amount of time to performing intense, knowledgeable and passionate foreplay. I am not talking about 2-3 minutes uniformed foreplay followed by letting the snake out to play.
“It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm,” admits “Dr. Ruth” Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities.
If you’re going to have the kind of sex that can humble a pornstar and keeps your lover from the claws of sex pests, explore various sex positions not merely for the shallow goal of making acrobatic stunts but for the purpose of achieving sexual enjoyment and satisfaction.
Some positions delay orgasm making the session to last longer while some drive the body home creating an epic experience. To perform well in bed, lovers should eat aphrodisiacs. This simply means sex food.
My book is packed with a list of such food and reasons why certain foods are essentially the fuel behind good sex performance.
Lastly, learn how to deal with problems that impede sexual enjoyment like vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, and libido decline. Sex prowess cannot be claimed by anyone who has no clue on how to deal with sexual challenges.
Instead of being knowledgeable on how to deliver satisfying sexual experience, some people would rather be self-proclaimed detectives who resort to policing instead of satisfying. Unbeknown to them, their lovers continue the relentless and unending search for good sex.
This lockdown is going to plunge many into depression
Dear Mokgweetsi Masisi
Today, Wednesday April 1, 2020, marks exactly two years since you were sworn in as President of this republic, and I wonder how you will be celebrating this milestone while under quarantine. Kana right now we could be coming over there to celebrate with you had you not blundered by attending that State House pool party in Namibia. Your residence would be lit this time, ree ja joy in celebration of your second anniversary since your ascendance to the highest office on the Tswana land. Knowing you, this corona thing would have been shoved aside to allow the world to know gore you are turning two years as President – even after announcing a lockdown on Tuesday. Akere wena you are often thus – you say this, you do the other. Kana gape it would be your chance to show that Namibian President gore le wena you can gather people for a celebration even amidst this state of public emergency. Akere le ene despite global warnings against international travel he decided to host a party and invited you – the result of which you are now in quarantine. I just wonder how Atsile and MmaAtsile are coping with an absent Daddy and Hubby. In fact, we haven’t heard much of our lovely First Lady since you went into quarantine – even at this odd hour when a mother-figure is needed to reassure the nation that all will be alright. O re costile motherlove Morena. Kana if it wasn’t for that reckless trip, we could be seeing her around with you. Jaanong mmanyana gatwe a seka a go atumela shem…
Anyway, it was great to see you looking fit and strong on Tuesday morning BraMEK, and we are glad you are showing no signs of infection. Kana yo mogare e bile ga o tlhaole. It doesn’t care if you are a British Prime Minister, German Chancellor or a Royal Prince. Neither does it care if you are a Head of State, or popular football star or internationally-acclaimed movie star – e ralla anyone Covid-19, rich or poor; black or white and everything in between. So seeing you looking that healthy after that risky Namibia trip has helped reassure us that within the gloom and doom of the socio-economic crisis created by the virus world-wide, there is that silver lining of remembering that it does not just infect unless invited to, and that even when it has infected one, death is not always a given. I realise however that you waited for your anniversary day to pass without impediment before you could institute the start of the lockdown tomorrow. We support your decisiveness nonetheless and promise to abide by the guidelines laid before us to boost our survival chance against this monster of a virus. I see you have even tried to do all in your power to ensure individuals and business entities do not feel the extreme wrath of this Covid-19 and the attendant lockdown. Among the things in your rescue package I see you talk of tax holidays for businesses; access to credit; immediate reconnection of water; decrease in fuel prices; an economic stimulus package; loan guarantees for businesses; restructuring of loans with banks; relaxed payment of insurance premiums for both individuals and companies; provision of a wage subsidy for citizen employees of businesses mostly affected by the virus in order to enable them to retain employees; expedited payments to business entities by government and parastatals … and other interventions intended go fokotsa manokonoko a Covid-19. Yet there are those still in tears Big MEK, who ask gore bone gatwe bone ke ba ga mang. These are the folks who live from hand to mouth, who worry that the lockdown will kill them even faster than the virus itself. Akere Tautona there are people who make an instant daily stipend from clearing the weeds, doing laundry, selling fatcakes, selling cooltime, veggies, sweets and mabudula on the streets as well as those who sell traditional beer? How do they make money for their groceries ne Tautona? What measures do you have in place for them? In your address on Tuesday morning you did not elaborate on that and I pray that by the time this letter reaches you, you would have clarified the matter. Kana these are the people who will not comply because one way or the other, they would have to go out there to hassle. I bet they were wondering who exactly you were talking to when you mentioned the issue of panic buying. You need to urgently come up with a plan for them BraMEK, otherwise they may have to choose between death by hunger and death by corona. Go riana there is one mosadimogolo in Ramotswa who was made to spill away her traditional brew last week, despite having started the fermentation process two days before Trade Minister Peggy Serame decreed that there would be no sale of alcohol. Gatwe mosadimogolo o sale a bedisa ka Tuesday before the ban on sale of alcohol was announced ka Thursday. Her brew got ready for sale on Saturday but your men of the law came hard on her, making her throw it all away. Imagine such instances BraMEK on our oldies who seem to have been left out in your disucusions ahead of the sale ban of bojwala. Others BraMEK say you never even bothered to address their worries against landlords who will still demand rent for their houses despite the tenants not going out to work and make money on the streets. There are also these chaps who depend on our absence from our homes to make a living – the ones who take advantage of our absence to break into our homes to take what they never had to sweat for. Ba re o ba bolaile because homesteads will be occupied throughout the day. They worry that with soldiers and police officers expected to be unleashed on the streets, they may have a difficult time to do any work at night. And in the case these chaps continue to work and flout the lockdown and extreme social distancing rules, what can we expect you to do with them Tautona? Could they straightaway be charged with attempted murder should they test positive for coronavirus? Akere by coming into our homes they would have exposed us to harm? And then there are the ladies of the night BraMEK, although I know you would argue that the law does not recognise them. But hey, they are there and their hassle is real. If you are going to keep their customers under lockdown, how will they survive? Kana e bile these days they are a bit sophisticated – they rent houses from which they operate, where their clients meet them for a roll in the hay. They have to make money for both the rent and their meals. If we don’t aid them they too pose a risk as they might sneak out to go and meet their clients ‘halfway’ and end up infecting each other. As I said earlier, I hope you do something about these forgotten citizens, even if it is it could mean dropping a bag of Tsabana in each household. Note also that suddenly – after you announced the lockdown – some employers out there are beginning to label their traditionally lowly-regarded workers as ‘essential service employees.’ Yet they have nothing to offer them commensurate with the new label. Others are dismissing employees already, claiming the lockdown will kill their business. And with the grounding of public transport vehicles, these companies have no plan how to get their essential service workers to the workplace. Ne kere le bone ba o ba tlhodumele Tautona. And on a more serious note, I worry about our mental health BraMEK. I tell you this lockdown is going to have its toll on the mental health of many. There is too much anxiety right now and there is a general fear of the unknown. With no light visible at the other end of the tunnel, many will be choking in there, worried about the uncertainty of everything including the well-being of relatives, the security around their jobs, the inability to attend funerals of their loved ones… resulting in rising stress levels and possible depression. Some couples will be annoying each other and expect cases of GBV to rise during this period. I hope you will look into such matters to ensure people are given some form of counselling and advice, especially through television and radio. Otherwise we thank you for acting on this lockdown thing sooner than later – although I still feel it should have come earlier. It was always going to be pointless to wait for deaths to go uncontrollably high before we could take the virus seriously. You had no choice but to put us down into extreme social distancing. Mistakes are going to happen along the way, and I hope we will help you go through correcting them amicably together without pointing fingers. And what an opportune time for bonding to happen! Parents will school their children and tertiary students will have enough time to reorganise themselves in preparation of the next time the coursework rooms open. Husbands and wives who all along did not see eye to eye will emerge from this lockdown a lot closer. And during the potentially lonely days, I hope there will be enough and clear communication to keep people at ease. For now it is Goodbye Mr President. Pass my warmest regards to my cousin Neo and her little girl. And sorry about the sleepless nights you and especially Health Minister Lems Kwape have to endure. I really feel for the poor chap; and pass this message to him that we all love him. We see what he is doing and what he is going through. Cheers for now MEK.
This year marks my 10th year as an employee of The Botswana Guardian and The Midweek Sun newspapers, under the CBET Pty Ltd company.
I still remember one afternoon of 2010 when I was in Francistown. I was waiting for my graduation from the University of Botswana where I did Bachelor of Media Studies. I had just started a freelancing job with Mmegi in the Ghetto when one of the Guardian/Sun managers Tlotlo Mbazo called me offering a job opportunity. See, during our time, UB newspaper- then known as The UB Horizon was hyped and big.
We distributed it across newsrooms in the country. In addition to this, one of my former Journalism lecturers Julia Cass had advised us to always cut our articles and keep portfolios and later send them across media houses for opportunities. So when MmaMbazo called me about an opportunity that had come up, I knew she had seen my work that I had submitted a few months before closing at UB.
Coming into the Guardian/Sun newsroom the first days was exciting yet challenging at the same time. I found many male colleagues that were also very loud and pushy. Intimidating. At times, annoying. Some were old, reminding me of the set up in international newsrooms where journalists are older. The 24 year-old me then was timid and emotional…but zealous and curious. I was impressed however by the female journos that oozed energy and passion.
The truth about the media industry is that there was a time when it was male-dominated. Women were thrown into light beats and strong ones were tackled by males. Though it was the case with Guardian/Sun then, seeing the likes of Phemelo Ramaribeng nee Ramasu pursue News was encouraging. Her human interest stories to a larger extent contributed to my love for Human Rights issues.
I worked under the leadership of great men who all shaped my career in special ways. The likes of peculiar Mpho Dibeela who has since gone into newspaper ownership; Mike Mothibi, the sophisticated writer with a passion for farming; courageous Abraham Motsokono who called a spade a spade and not a big spoon; fatherly Ernest Moloi who helped build resilience in me; Mbazo, woman of the board who leads tenderly but with a stern posture; Justice Kavahematui with a very calm demeanor; Joe Brown-Tlhaselo the perfectionist who pays attention to every detail in the paper – in fact it was Joe-Brown who welcomed me the first day by offering me a chair and lunch! And then there is Boitshepo Balozwi, my editor-turned-friend who every now and then blesses me with pearls of wisdom when ‘the devil wants to lie,’ as well as Dikarabo Ramadubu, our moving encyclopaedia.
Still under this list falls Beatrice Mbulawa, the magnificent General Manager who came with a unique style of managing a media house as a finance-steel lady. Joel Konopo and Ntibinyane Ntibinyane have always been deep hence their now establishment of the bullish INK Centre for Investigative Journalism. In 2012, they took me to Amabunghane Centre for Investigative Journalism in South Africa where my mindset changed altogether. That was an investment that I will always use in my Journalism. Douglas Tsiako also deserves recognition for always believing in me. Special mention of Ditiro Motlhabane for always putting me on my toes about my stories as my News Editor.
My colleagues across every department in The Guardian/Sun throughout the decade, both new and old, have been fascinating. The team is a rare, winning breed. Group dynamics is as real as it gets but I can say unfazed, that I learn a lot from every single individual in our newsroom. The energy here is right. It’s amazing.
So much can be said about my decade in our newsroom. Perhaps, my number one lesson is that of servitude. Journalists are servants. They should serve. At church we say EBENEZER – Thus far the Lord has brought me. Thank you.
Facebook/Instagram: Yvonne Tshepang Mooka
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