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Batswana are talkative, yet silent in bed

Joe Brown

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BY K.A. BAREKI

In last week’s installment, I wrote about how to move from sexual mediocrity to excellence by creating the right environment for sex.

I intimated that one needs music, clothes, bedding, lube and specific foods known as aphrodisiacs to create a good humping experience. Isn’t it shocking that even in the midst of such pleasantries, our women and men don’t testify of good sex?

Our women still lament the lack of sexual satisfaction even when they have sex with men that have got “6-packs” promising stamina and envied salaries. Our men leave their beautiful women with pretty faces, curvaceous bodies and run with perpetual strangers that know nothing about having good relationship curriculum vitae and are not “lover material” in search of good sex.

This situation leaves us fumbling and wondering what today’s men want. So serious is this sexual jigsaw puzzle that a fair share of our women’s populace has concluded that Batswana men are naturally “bitchy”and unloving. And this is exactly what some men say about our women.

More Batswana women want to be married by Caucasian men with some selecting Zambian, Zimbabwean, South African and even Nigerian men as dream lovers – and there’s nothing wrong with pursuing exotic taste.

Over the years, I have observed this issue in protracted silence until I noticed something very interesting about the way Batswana men have sex and why our women post ads that beg for a foreigner’s proposal.

Batswana are generally outspoken people. They are peace makers who believe that ntwakgolo ke ya molomo. Because Batswana are so consensual, they are often admired and looked upon as a non-violent nation, a peaceful people who cannot hurt a fly.

How is it that this peaceful reputation is not found in the bedrooms of most Batswana couples who often resort to divorce, cheating or sulking? Good question! The answer is silence.What? You heard me, the answer is silence.

Batswana are a talkative people and yet silent in bed. Batswana men have a problem keeping quiet in libraries and yet insist on silence during sex. Batswana don’t talk about how they prefer sex and don’t give any feedback concerning sex. Our women in particular avoid praising their men for excellent bonking when it happens.

Our men take offence if a woman comments negatively on their sexual performance or makes any improvement suggestion as if to suggest that sex to them is an intuitive thing that comes without communication. Life thrives on communication, and Batswana’s sexual lives will continue to be disastrous and lifeless until their mouths open.

And after years of silent sex, our men conclude that their women are boring and search for alternatives. “If you don’t talk about sex, it’s going to be difficult to make any improvement. And, you should be communicating about what you like just as much about what isn’t working, or what you are worried may not be working. If the sex is great, it shouldn’t be a touchy conversation area…” writes blogger Lea Rose Emery in her work “Seven Signs You’re Bad In Bed”

If the average Motswana is naturally a peace-loving and consensual person, then it means Batswana cease to be Batswana every time they engage in sex. If Batswana are a democratic nation with an international reputation of being so, how can a Motswana have “undemocratic” dictatorial sex?

How is it that Batswana have the tendency to have sex that is not mutually inclusive? I reiterate that Batswana are not Batswana when it comes to sex. If Batswana when in their bedrooms behaved like they do during the day, Botswana would be a nation of sexual satisfaction. Batswana would have so much knowledge on sex that comes from their natural inclination to be consensual and assertive.

As our men obsess themselves with penile increment adverts that flood the market and think they need powerful sexologists to give them sex hunger busting clues, I am worried that they don’t notice that an easy and affordable solution lies hidden within. Batswana have no sex schools where they can learn sex.

But they have a culture of openly conversing with each other. If only they continued talking into their bedrooms, our nation would become known for brilliant sex. Our families would be stable and divorce rates humiliated.

Batswana lovers especially women would express how they prefer to be kissed, sexed and what sex positions drive them crazy. They would give feedback which by the way is necessary for improvement instead of leaving their men guessing.

Not all Batswana don’t communicate during sex. There are men and women in our country who sex in a way that is of “international standard” but it’s rare to encounter them. In Botswana there are men who divorced women for openly voicing out their opinions on how to sex.

Some men literally rebuke their women, accuse them of infidelity and call them whores for opening up. These women who are bitter and sex-thirsty resort to “Ben-10s.” What they enjoy in these young men is fresh sexual energy which is devoid of communication.

As these young boys age, their erection deteriorates and they become exactly like the men our older women ran away from. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be humbled by opening up.

In any case to solve a problem, you at least have to know its cause. What is the reason why Batswana would rather be silent during sex when they have a reputation of being vocal even to the avoidance of war?

The answer to this question is something I discovered in South Africa last year while attending a couples’ retreat. Although the venue was South African, the attendants were entirely Batswana who sought to learn about enhancing their sex lives in a foreign land.

In that setting, after speaking extensively on sexual satisfaction and admonishing couples to talk before, during and after sex, one Motswana raised up his hand to express comic contention over this idea.

“I was taught not to eat while talking. O ja ka ofe o bua ka ofe?” he asked. We laughed almost to tears. And I added my opinion to guide the matter. Later on as I reminisced on that question and its significance in understanding our people, it dawned on me that Batswana liken sex to eating and apply the British dinner etiquette to their sex lives.

Whether we admit it or not, Batswana are British in so many aspects. The lunch we esteem made up of rice, coleslaw salad, beetroots and meat is a British meal. Our dream breakfast and tea drinking habits are all a British mentality. And as a typical former colony, we follow the footsteps of our mentors.

According to British dinner etiquette, one should refrain from talking while eating. Batswana men, view sex as “go ja motho,” hence such silence when they have sex.

One other British dinner etiquette rule is that if you happen not to enjoy a meal, it is very rude to tell the cook or chef that the meal sucks. This explains why Batswana shun sex session feedback!

 

K.A. Bareki is the author of Sex & Intimacy 101 and can be contacted at ansonpub@gmail.com

 

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Congratulations on your appointment Nchadinyana!

Joe Brown

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Dear Tebogo LebotseSebego

My dear friend Tebbie, I send my heartiest greetings to you and your bosom buddy Tebbie in the hope that you are both at your healthiest state considering all things past in your otherwise eventful lives.

But more than anything else, I write to congratulate you on your recent ascendance to the position of Vice Chairperson at the BNSC. Ke gore golo fa you are at the very apex of this country’s sport administrative pyramid and I am quite sure even Tebbie must be wondering how you made it past him.

With the new position, I bet things are now awkward between you two given that somehow the man now has to listen to you for a change. Ke gore when he wears the head of family hat to try and armtwist you into submission, you can equally change topics and talk about sport administration issues, where he would have to submit to your authority. Should he return to lead that beleaguered Botswana Football Association, you can use your position to order that he be suspended so that he goes back home to take care of the family without external interference.

Ke gore his position as President of Notwane Sporting Club is no longer anything to brag about around you. You are her boss now and while he bleeds thousands to serve in his inferior position as President, wena you will be paid some handsome allowances to make decisions for him o le Vice Chairperson. And let’s say for whatever reason that Morule guy is incapacitated and you take over as the ultimate boss, you can either use or abuse your powers to make or break this poor Tebbie guy shem. In fact, you should use maemo ao to ensure he does not go back to that bewitched BFA position.

He is just fine where he is as Notwane President. See how much peace there is around you and your family ever since he quit the position albeit unceremoniously? Le go nona o nonne. I guess even your family and business finances improved for the better as he was now able to focus on what ideally should be dearer to him than anything else. Kana rre yoo o kile a batla go go bolaisa baloi ba bolo! Remember how his football enemies, seeking to topple him from that BFA top post, sought the intervention of traditional doctors, witches and wizards to eliminate him! And because you both used the same name and surname, the wizardry missiles got confused on their intended target, not able to distinguish between Tebogo Sebego and Tebogo Sebego.

You got inexplicably ill for some time during that period of heightened tensions between him and his sworn enemies. And remember the people who wanted to eliminate him were the very same who had once claimed allegiance to him, and once his use for them had expired, they connived to stab him in the back. Where are they now? It looks like the gods have turned on them as well. Nothing has gone right for them and suddenly no one wants to associate with them anymore. I guess a new crop of pretenders has now emerged and they will again use your darling Tebbie to ascend to the summit of the ill-fated sport body only to disown him again once their mission is accomplished.

I tell you even he would be a fool to return to that fire again. But you would be the bigger one to advise and make him believe he still has something to offer up there. If any chance my dear, abuse your new position in any how you can, to block his path back there. Use a weakness of him that you know too well, to enact a new law into the election process of BNSC affiliate bodies, that will disqualify him from standing. Kana ke gore I keep seeing flashes of information that suggest he wants to return there. Don’t let that happen. He is more appreciated where he is now than he will be where he wants to go. I know the guy, just as you are, is made of sterner stuff and can parry away any negativity bedeviling the so-called beautiful game, but I am scared for him – that this time the wizardry missiles might just hit him where it hurts the most – and surely you can’t survive that!

It seems to me there is just something to eat within the BFA leadership that people will kill or die for. Yet when they are up there they never have peace. Imagine the strain on your family when he is restless as a BFA President and you on the other hand have to deal with a new wave of evil pretenders who will be jealous to see where you are now in the hierarchy of Botswana sport.
I hope you have not fooled yourself into thinking that everybody is happy for you.

There are those within your circle right now who are already concocting a cauldron of witchery against you. People who ask in hushed tones what exactly you are being thanked for while they claim ‘happy-for-you’ and ‘proud-of-you’ in the public space. The angels who publicly sing your name on social media but are the same devils who under the cover of darkness ask what your electors see in you after failing the local netball association. Batho ba! Tlhe mma rona we see and hear them. Nna mme ga ke moloi ga ke bue ope ka leina – but be careful who has the most flowery words for your epic rise. There are serpents beneath that innocent looking flower. Mme kana le wena you know gore this our Botswana is infested with people who are never happy to see others do good for our sport. If you do anything progressive, you are the enemy.

So I hope as you sit up there and plan things out with Morule, you are aware there will be those on counter-attack mode – invalidators who will always be looking for any wrong in any right you do. And they will make sure to amplify the wrong such that the right even looks insignificant. Baloi! But I know you all too well to know and understand what your ascendance could be coming with. Forewarned, they say, is forearmed. Get down to business with this knowledge that you have three sets of people to appease – those who genuinely want to see our sport grow; those who want to thrive in the chaos that is besieging our sport; and those who just hate you and would want to see you fail just for the heck of it.

Your starting point should be to work and serve with all the three in mind. That way you will go about setting up your strategies of growing the sport industry with the right ammunition to thwart any such negative energy as to dampen your spirit. I know they say the higher you go the cooler it becomes – I hope wena you will not disappoint those who believe in you. Whatever you do up there, remember at some point you were down there crying for this and that, and blaming those with the powers for not helping you achieve your goals.

Do not suddenly forget what is going on ko tlase mma. Be the fiery fighter you have always been and let your documented love for local sport energise you even further to fight fire with fire. Even if you have to step on the toes of the minister who put you in the board; and even if you have to be a pain in the necks of your board colleagues who then elected you Vice Chairperson, as long as it is for the good of the sport you love, then just do it.

It is better to fall and die for the truth than to live and thrive on the dishonesty of sycophancy. I know you to be brutal in your thoughts and such should be the trait that was key to your initial appointment into the board by an honest minister who truly wanted to see things change for the good. The minister put you there without fear of hate nor to seek any favours, and therefore prove to him and those who entrusted you with the VC position that you are just what was needed to help turn around the fortunes of our sport. The problem with the past leaders was the tendency to be ‘too nice’ with the ultimate leadership that appointed them.

They were often afraid to upset those who ‘made them who they are,’ forgetting that actually, it was who they were that put them in that position in the first place – never a favour! How many times have we celebrated the appointments of certain individuals because we knew what they could offer, only for them to cool down and offer nothing once they are up there? Don’t be that kind of person. If you have to resign because for whatever reason you are not allowed to do what you think is best for local sport, then do so. And be public about it. Otherwise what would be the purpose of the appointment in the first place? And don’t hide behind existing laws. Don’t hide behind Morule and say kana wena o Vice fela.

Rona we see you as THE LEADERSHIP. Gore o Vice or eng we don’t give a hoot. O nne s’thulaphoko and make us remember you and your mates as the sport leadership that changed Botswana sport for good. Just do about anything at whatever cost – be it reputational or monetary. Sometimes as a leader you have to be unpopular for doing what is right. Seek no favours, fear no hate. Afterall the haters ba tlaa ba strong! And while at it, again do about anything – anything at whatever cost – to ensure the BNSC affiliate bodies are led by people who deserve to be there.

We are tired of sport codes that are on autopilot led by people who are only in it for themselves. And remind Chillyboy that I have since asked him to see to it that mass national sport bodies like volleyball, netball and basketball receive funds – just P1 million per sport code per season – to run national leagues. That is little money that won’t hurt government coffers. And le wena, together with your colleagues, should push for that. But more importantly, congratulations on your rise Nchadinyana!

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Diligent people

Yvonne Mooka

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I was listening to the late Dr. Myles Munroe’s podcast on Diligence recently. I should admit it left me challenged to revisit the way I do things.

He says that diligent people get up early enough to arrive on time to appointments and to complete chores prior to arrival. He advises that appearing punctually shows others that the person is dependable. In addition, a diligent person takes initiative to complete tasks rather than waiting to be told what to do.

Therefore diligence is simply giving your best on anything set before you. Munroe states that diligence requires continuing on a task that is unpleasant. Even if a task is difficult to complete, a diligent person does his best. If the work is physical and the person is out of shape, a diligent person finds ways to improve his physical fitness or health in order to complete the task.

The book of Proverbs in the Bible talks extensively about the different traits of a lazy person versus a diligent person. If you desire to grow in diligence, the book of Proverbs offers timeless wisdom on how to do so. Without further ado, here are five must-have traits of a diligent person.
A diligent person is an excellent planner

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty.” Proverbs 21:5 Achieving a goal requires a detailed plan with a deadline. A friend of mine, who is studying Mechanical Engineering, has wisely exclaimed many times, “Plan your work and work your plan!” Diligent people give themselves directions and then follow through on their plans. A diligent person will both plan well and pace themselves, thus finishing assignments without getting burned out.

Produces excellent work
“Do you see the man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men.” Proverbs 22:29
Excellent work attracts the attention of excellent people. A diligent person not only works hard, but does his or her best work every time. When you are a diligent, excellent worker, you will be offered opportunities that you never could have orchestrated on your own. Excellent work is truly the best promoter.

Is faithful in everyday tasks
“He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows frivolity will have poverty enough!” Proverbs 28:19
The diligent person in this verse is faithfully tending to their daily responsibilities. In other words, a diligent person will take their everyday work seriously. Instead of wasting time on things that bring no reward, a diligent person will focus their energy on productive activities, even if that work is not particularly exciting. Thankfully, even boring work will reap a harvest if we remain faithful.

Is self-motivated
“Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, which, having no captain, overseer or ruler, provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest.” Proverbs 6:6-8

A diligent person stays on top of their work without their leader constantly cracking the whip! They refuse to procrastinate, instead choosing to fulfill their duties in a timely manner.
Facebook/Instagram: Yvonne Tshepang Mooka
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Email: yvonnequeen2003@gmail.com

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